Let’s take a look at what The Dark Knight could have been:

Robin galore. Batman takes Robin under his cape and mentors him. Batman raises the young child and is always there for him even during that rainy summer night when Robin discovered his first pubic hair at age 27. When Batman finally thinks Robin is good enough to be the sidekick, Robin instead wastes all his time motorcycle racing neon graffiti gang members. Soon enough , a new bad guy is on the rise. It’s none other than the Joker (played by Ashton Kutcher), of course. Tommy Lee Jones reprises his role as Two Face because the Men In Black 3 script hasn’t come in yet. Alicia Silverstone is an executive producer. Danny Devito hangs out on the set. Everyone has a restraining order against Val Kilmer.

Tim Burton directs a single scene that includes Johnny Depp smoking, playing guitar, and taking a nap in a tank top for no apparent reason. The Batman fights the Joker once but the J-Man gets away. Jack Nicholson heckles the Joker at a Lakers game and insists to Morgan Freeman’s character that they must make a “bucket list“ and that he has a “really good Prince album I have to show you.” George Lucas gets a hold of the script and now the Joker is an Alien. By the hour and 30 minute mark, everybody has been turned into an alien. Eventually, Batman and the Joker fight one last time, the Joker makes a one liner, but Batman somehow wins the fight. George Clooney cameo. End credits include the old Batman theme performed by Matchbox 20. The film comes out in a “Movie on Tape” version that features Morgan Freeman reading the script. The end.

Alright, maybe it wouldn’t have been that bad. I don’t think anybody who saw Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins really thought they’d make a movie about sunshine and rainbows the second time around, but the movie still could have been a whole lot different. What could have easily been an hour and 40 minute movie filled with clichéd villains and a somewhat predictable story line and some cool scenes, was instead a gritty 152 minute epic that demanded your attention for every second.

While the new Hulk film, for example, was a step up from the 2003 disaster of a movie, it still had the same “been there done that” feel. The Dark Knight, on the other hand, is like a hard punch to the face that feels good. It makes sure you don’t divert your attention for a second because Joker forbid you may miss something while looking down at your overpriced Pepsi while you drink it. Unpredictable and fun, The Dark Knight isn’t just a perfect summer movie filled with entertainment. But, instead, it locks you into the story and characters in such a big way that 152 minutes feels too short. And, not only that, it’s safe to say that I can’t wait to see it again. What more could I ask for from a movie?

The action in The Dark Knight can satisfy anyone from a special effects guru all the way to a knuckle head that thinks Ice Cube’s performance in XXX: State of the Union was “dynamic.” But, The Dark Knight truly shines with the characters. Specifically, Heath Ledger. Christian Bale, just like in Batman Begins, proves he’s been the only actor so far (in the Batman films at least) to really make me believe he’s Batman. Aaron Eckhart, also does a great job as Harvey Dent. A performance is truly awesome when the audience can go from hating him to loving him to…well you get the point. Michael Caine is great as always.

Heath Ledger, although, is on a totally different level. During the previews and even opening credits all the way to the opening scene, the crowd didn’t shut up. Clearly, seeing The Dark Knight at midnight meant “let’s bullshit and talk as loud as we can.” But, once Ledger came onto the screen, it was if somebody pointed a remote at the crowd and pressed “mute.” From then on, the crowd kept to themselves with the exception of the classic pastime of leaning over to your friend and saying “that was awesome!”

Sure, the movie has gained more attention after Ledger’s death, but it is his performance that truly deserves the attention. Not because of how he died or how he prepared to play the Joker, but because of every second of what he accomplished on the screen. Once again, the character could have simply been two dimensional and added to the long list of predictable villains. Instead, the Joker stands proudly (with creepy posture) with the characters of Darth Vader, Hannibal Lector, etc. But, more so than that, Ledger accomplished what every actor should be doing: create a character that doesn’t appear as an actor playing somebody but instead doing it so well that it gives the character a life of it’s own.

Sure, we knew it was Heath Ledger under the make up, tattered purple suit, and creepy voice because that’s what we’re told. But, while watching the movie, it’s clear that he’s created something much bigger than that. He’s created something that will always live on in the world of film.

Grade: A

The Hollywood Asshole is a huge fan of the Grand Theft Auto series.  For months and months, I have been waiting for GTA IV.  I bought a PS3 and an HDTV mainly for this game.  I took off work when the game was released.  It has been a little over a month since the game hit the shelves and I’m done with it - I beat the story about a week ago, but I still play because it’s fucking GTA and the games are meant to be enjoyed even after the story.

For those who don’t know, the game focuses on Niko Bellic, a veteran of the Serbian War turned criminal, who has been invited to Liberty City by his cousin, Roman Bellic, who claims to be living the American Dream: living in a mansion, fucking four girls a night, owning many sports cars etc.  Niko accepts the invitation and arrives to the city, only to find out that Roman lied - he lives in a shitty apartment, runs a small taxi depot and is debt with numerous criminals thanks to a gambling addiction.  Thus begins Grand Theft Auto IV, a journey into the criminal underworld of a satirical version of New York City, where shallow materialism is rampant, post-9/11 hysteria has overtaken common sense and everyone seems to be an asshole in some way or another.

The game is massive and beautiful.  You begin in Broker (Brooklyn) and Dukes (Queens).  As you help your cousin out with criminals who are after him (i.e. killing them), you gain unwanted attention from even bigger fish.  Unlike Vice City, Liberty City Stories or Vice City Stories, this game isn’t really about taking over.  In San Andreas, you took over turf, but CJ never really became much other than a rap manager for Madd Dogg.  In GTA IV, Niko kills important people, but all he ever gets is money (and a safehouse in just one mission…and that’s optional).  He goes from rags to better rags.

Niko is by far the best character in any GTA game to date.  He beats Tommy Vercetti only because of an in-depth backstory and a cool twist on why he does what he does.  Vercetti was just a psycho killer who wanted power.  Carl “CJ” Johnson of San Andreas often didn’t make sense to be a GTA protagonist because he seemed like too good a person.  The worst was Victor Vance of Vice City Stories, who was a good person and had major qualms with dealing drugs, but he did so anyway, contradicting his character.  Niko, however, is fully aware he is a killer, despite the fact that he is generally nice to people.  He has accepted his role as a hired gun, but is depressed about it.  He reminds me of Leon from “The Professional” in that aspect.  Niko also has major flaws, such as being unable to forget his past.

The game also has great characters.  Roman, while annoying and a buffoon, soon evolves into someone that greatly cares for Niko.  Little Jacob, a Rastafarian, is easily Niko’s greatest ally in the game and possibly the greatest friend in GTA history - he never betrays you and insists on joining you for missions when he feels Niko is walking into a trap.  Brucie, a loudmouth steroid popper, is a macho moron but he and Niko become unlikely friends.  Brucie is the satiricial epitome of the current American male - he works out non-stop, he talks about boning chicks, has Chinese characters tattooed on his body, yaks on about cool Internet sites and says “bro” way too often.  He is probably the funniest character in any GTA game I’ve played.

The game does have flaws, but the positives greatly outweigh them.  There are a ton of geeks out there on the Internet who claim the game should only get a 6/10 due to these flaws, but there is something mentally wrong with them.  These people must never be happy with anything in their life if the minor bad shit in GTA IV upsets them so greatly.  It really tells you a lot about their mental state.  For a game so massive to have so little wrong with it is incredibly impressive.  Remember, this an open sandbox game and it has GREAT graphics!  The ones on PS2 had OK graphics because the world was so large.  Now we finally have a huge world and amazing looking graphics, but the geeks just bitch how it isn’t as big as San Andreas, there are fewer customizing options and the game is too realistic, i.e. it doesn’t have many action movie missions, where you blow up a dam or something.  Guess what the biggest gripe was with San Andreas?  It was too big, there were too many customizing options and it was too unrealistic i.e. blowing up a dam or something.  The geeks are never fucking happy, but that’s why they are geeks, complaining to each other on message boards when they should be having a real life.  Honestly, I was a geek in high school, but I was never anything compared to the elitist “gamer” set of geeks on the Internet who insult everyone non-stop using racial and homophobic slurs.  It’s disgusting, but the anonymity of the Internet lets them think it’s OK.  I’m sorry, but you people are not gamers - you are geeks.  That is it.  Accept it.  It’s a title you bestowed upon yourselves, like hillbillies wanting to be called “Sons of the Soil.”  You geeks are pathetic complainers and when you get older, you will have no one to love and you will die alone with your dicks in your hands.  Now go post a pic of a lolcat or a faildog.

Anyway… 

Here are the flaws that I found: my main gripe is the story falls apart a bit when the game moves to Bohan (Bronx).  You are introduced to Manny Escuela, who is a completely pointless character.  Instead, they should have removed him and given his missions to Elizabeta Torres, a far more interesting character that you only work for three times before she’s gone from the story.  The Bohan missions are a complete throwaway.  The story gets back on track when you move on into Algonquin (Manhattan) and have to make a pretty difficult decision in killing either Playboy X or Dwayne Forge, two gangsters who ask you to kill the other.  While the choice overall is easy, Niko makes good points about not killing either, and it was a surprisingly tough choice.

But then the game putters out again when a government agency makes you work for them in exchange for a favor.  It reminded me too much of Mike Toreno in San Andreas - both games had a big problem that were resolved by a shady government agency.  Then the game gets back on track when the McReary’s are introduced, but I didn’t really care about Derrick McReary or Kate McReary.  The game tries to introduce Kate as Niko’s love interest, but I didn’t buy it.  I couldn’t care less about them.  Near the end, the game goes back to familiar GTA territory with Italian mafia wars, which was a letdown.

There are also several glitches.  The game froze on me while I was playing darts and again when I parked in front of a fire hydrant as I picked up a friend.  The friend didn’t know what to do and just stood there - it was a semi-cutscene as he walked to the car, so I couldn’t pull up to let him in.  I had no choice but to restart.  That’s all I dealt with regarding glitches, I’m happy to say.

I wasn’t a huge fan of the friendship system.  You have a total of five friends in the game (one optional) and they call you to hangout.  It’s annoying since you have to drive a ways to get to them and then usually do a fairly lame mini-game, but they offer a special ability when they like you enough.  The majority of the abilities get pointless - Roman’s ability is a free taxi when you call him, but you’re so rich later on, a $30 taxi ride doesn’t matter much and they’re usually everywhere.  The same applies with Jacob’s discounted guns.  I’d say the best ability is Dwayne’s (an optional friend since you can kill him earlier in the game), who sends two homies to your location.  I heard you can even call them during missions, which would have been awesome had I learned that before I beat the game.  The guys can take a lot of damage, but Niko calls them off after 12 hours gametime.  I only tolerated the friendship system because you learn more about Niko and his friend when they chat during the drive.

Grand Theft Auto IV is a great game.  Is it my favorite?  I think so.  I still love Vice City and San Andreas, but this game transcended them graphics-wise and character-wise so much.  Plus Liberty City is beautiful - I never get bored of it.  And even the Vigilante missions are much more fun this time around, as are stealing cars for people.  It is easily the best game on PS3 right now.  If you don’t have it, get it.

Prom Night: Want to see a truly scary movie? Prom Night is the perfect choice. Want to piss your underwear/diaper in terror? There’s dialogue so terrible and wooden it’s spooky!

“You guys look soooooOOOooOO pretty! Haha!”

Ahhhhh! It’s scary. Do old people freak you out? Prom Night has high schoolers that make the old-timers from Beverly Hills 90210 blush.

Once the main character insists that she’ll request some Justin Timberlake to the DJ so everyone can relax, things REALLY get terrifying.

Prom Night will be forever talked about, by me at least, as the number one example of a piece of shit being made for the sole purpose of not making a good film but instead so 12 year old chicks with braces and newly acquired periods can pay money to see it. The people involved didn’t even try in the least bit to make a good film. But, instead every single predictable Hollywood horror cliché was thrown in just so a full movie could be completed. A new game should be played, where you gather all your friends around in a room and watch this. You each guess what is going to happen next. Your friend that gets the most things wrong will be taken out back and shot. Not in the leg or arm or whatever. But, shot in the head. You can tell your other friends that he’s “on vacation”.

Grade: F

The Ruins: Once the movie got past the typical horror movie bullshit (as in the first 30 minutes being a very slow and boring build up for the main characters to get to whatever place it is where they will be killed), I thought things might actually get good. I was happy that there wasn’t a killer at the Ruins, but instead it was the Ruins itself kicking everyone’s ass. But, the movie soon becomes the average and predictable horror film. This girl has a good heart…let her survive. This girl is being a bitch…she’s soooo dead. This guy is German and talks weird…fuck ‘em. He’s dead! But, let’s give him a broken back first. It’s still a more enjoyable experience than Prom Night, but it’s still a far cry from a good movie or even a good horror film.

Grade: C

88 Minutes: “I’m Al Pacino. I’m yelling! This movie sucks!” seems to be a quote, that I just made up by the way, that can describe any Al Pacino movie in recent memory. 88 Minutes might not be any better than his shit-films of the last few years, but it’s at least more entertaining.

I went into 88 Minutes without reading a single review, but after the movie was done I was convinced that mostly every critic in the world probably took a dump all over it, wiped, and then realized they had to shit some more. I was right, too. Words like “laughable” and “absolutely terrible” come into mind while remembering the reviews. At no point during this movie did I ever feel like it was so bad I had to walk out or anything. I’ve only walked out of one movie ever and that was Jackie Chan’s The Medallion. It wasn’t so bad it was good. Instead, it was so bad I almost got cancer just from sitting in the seat. We tried to get a refund but they said it’s not policy to give a refund just because a movie, “really sucks.” Whatever. Anyway, back to the movie at hand.

Let me explain why this movie was worth watching. There are some parts I actually thought were done quite well…as in the suspense. Even if the situation in general was ridiculous and stupid, the suspense seemed to never let up. Even if what was going to happen was sometimes predictable, it was still fun to watch what was going on. There were some dreadful parts of the movie of course and the flashbacks come to mind. The flashbacks were done in the classic mid-90’s straight to video fashion. Choppy editing, slow motion; these flashbacks had it all. But, even though it looked like shit, it was still fun to watch for the sheer entertainment factor. Good or bad, the movie never bored me. If it was on the verge of actually becoming a decent movie, then that was good. If it had sunk to being a crappy thriller with terrible plot twists, then that’s great too. Unlike Superhero Movie, 88 Minutes is a movie that is so bad at times it’s good. So, I hereby give this movie a B. I’m not grading it the same way I’d grade The Godfather for instance, but instead on how entertained I was.
Grade: B

Superhero Movie: You know a movie sucks when it’s a spoof comedy and the films they are poking fun at, are in fact, much funnier. You know the movie really sucks when the movie’s they are spoofing aren’t even comedies. You know a movie REALLY sucks when they cast that guy who played Shooter Mcgavin as the bad guy and the movie title doesn‘t include the words Happy or Gilmore. Not much is worthwhile or the least bit good with Superhero Movie and the way they make fun of the Spiderman trilogy. I’ll take the alternate emo/goth personality of Peter Parker any day over any of the “jokes” that were in this movie.

Sure, seeing this movie was free so I didn’t actually mind watching it. But. I should have known something was going to go terribly wrong when once again they were marketing it as “from 46 of the 90 writers of Scary Movie!”. This movie isn’t in the least bit funny or enjoyable. It succeeds in absolutely nothing it set out to do. Therefore, it fails. But, I won’t give it an F. Unlike Prom Night, it still attempted to be funny.
Grade D

Son of Rambow: Cheeky British kids who idolize Stallone filming their own Rambo movie during the 80s…is there anything more you can ask for from a movie? Well, yeah. But, Son of Rambow contained the perfect amount of humor and heart, which made it a breath of fresh air from most of the movies I’ve seen lately. Half the fun was watching the kids film their ridiculous Son of Rambow movie, but the real strength of the film was the relationship between the two main characters. Even though they are just kids, their comic delivery and acting chops are a whole lot better than most adults these days (see Superhero Movie review).

Grade: B+

Street Kings: Let’s see what we got here…a movie where Academy Award winner, Forest Whitaker, is a blabbering idiot who is somehow out-acted by professional robot Keanu Reeves. Is this possible? I guess so. Whitaker struts around the screen, chewing up every scene he’s in. Him and his weird eye attempt to take over every frame of film by yelling and saying stupid shit. But, once you get past his annoying character, the movie ends up being somewhat enjoyable but completely uneven.

A lot like 88 Minutes, it’s a pretty poor movie if you look at it from one angle. Filled with stupid plot twists, rappers acting, predictable race issues, and over the top action scenes, one could say this movie is about as smart as softcore porn. But, if you look at it like 88 Minutes, it can also be viewed as a fun movie. The movie is worth the price of admission alone just for Keanu’s facial expressions/reactions when he’s supposed to be surprised in certain scenes.

It’s not quite as entertaining as 88 Minutes overall, and it’s sense of importance, despite being pretty much a piece of shit, gives it a lower grade than Mr.Pacino’s flick. But, it’s still worth seeing if you want to switch your brain off, ignore the preaching/stupid themes, and just be entertained.
Grade: C+

Baby Mama: This movie gets major props for the kind of movie it ended up becoming. Penned by a former SNL writer, it easily could have been the typical post-Saturday Night Live movie…something that is about 90 minutes too long and would have been better just being a single skit on the show. But, the characters in the film let it become a lot more than that. They make you forget the plot (and love story sub plots) become more and more predictable as the movie goes on. Instead, it makes you think about how good Saturday Night Live used to be: full of skits with simple premises yet executed to perfection (or at least satisfaction in this case) because of the people involved.

Grade: B-

Smart People: No, I’m not one of the hipster rebels who decided I hated Juno after a while. I still think it’s a great movie. I, also, still think that Ellen Page is awesome. It’s no wonder her and Thomas Haden Curch, in only supporting roles, steal the movie from the leads. But, don’t get me wrong. I’ve heard a lot of talk about the leads being mis-cast, but I think Dennis Quaid did a fine job as the main character. For once, he’s not a fake/drunk Harrison Ford action star but instead his own character. Bravo, my man. Sarah Jessica Parker, as the love interest, also does a good job with her character. Smart People isn’t perfect by any means, but it’s a romantic comedy/drama like February’s Definitely, Maybe that takes typical clichés and makes them work.

Grade: B

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Unlike a lot of the movies in the past few months, Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a movie that came with not much hype except from the fan boys of the whole Apatow camp, and became the biggest surprise…for me, at least. Although I loved Freaks & Geeks and the other Apatow movies, there was no telling how well Jason Segel could write let alone carry a whole movie. But, much like Judd Apatow, he blends the perfect combination of humor with touching moments while putting a new spin on stories we’ve seen a million times. When it’s all said and done, Forgetting Sarah Marshall ended up not only being the most satisfying comedy I’ve seen in a while, but also my favorite film of 2008, so far.

Grade: A-

All past reviews can be found on www.andrewrubin.org

She’s 15.

She took some Vanity Fair pictures.

Before that, she took some MySpace picture.

She’s gonna be a ho… if she isn’t already.

Someone needs to punch her right in the cooter and find a way to get rid of her, because her and her baby teeth make me angry.

After watching Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace for the 20th time and hating it for the 20th time, I realize all my hate just doesn’t lie with Jar-Jar Binks, Jake Lloyd, the baffling plot, the stilted acting from most of the cast and the Jewish, Chinese and Jamaican stereotypes implanted into certain alien species.  As a matter of fact, most of my hate stems from one character that rubs me the wrong way - Captain Panaka, Queen Amidala’s security captain.

The guy is the biggest naysayer in the history of Star Wars.  He disagrees with everything.  He brings nothing to the table but negative vibes.  How did so much sand get in his vagina?  For your viewing pleasure, I have every negative thing that Panaka said in The Phantom Menace…

“This is a dangerous situation, Your Highness. Our security volunteers will be no match against a battle-hardened Federation army.”
“There are too many of them.”
“If we can’t get the shield generators fixed, we’ll be sitting ducks.”
“You can’t take Her Royal Highness there! The Hutts are gangsters! If they discovered her…”
“I do not agree with the Jedi on this.”
“There are too few of us, Your Highness. We have no army.”
“They’ve probably spotted us.”
“More likely (the Gungans) were wiped out.”
“The Federation Army’s also much larger than we thought, and much stronger. Your Highness, this is a battle I do not think we can win.”

This guy is just unpleasant and an overlooked annoying asshole in the Star Wars franchise. Can you imagine hanging out with him?

“We can’t go that bar! Their bathrooms are smelly!”
“We’re going to run out of chips and there is no way we can make it to the store to buy more.”
“This bill is too high. We’re finished.”
“You probably have an STD since you slept with that random girl last night.”
“This softball team we’re up against later today has some good players on it. We don’t stand a chance.”

I am The Hollywood Asshole. I have spoken.

Rupert Grint, the ginger kid…well, I guess ginger man, who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies, has become awesome in The Hollywood Asshole’s eyes after he was quoted saying this, “”I met Lindsay (Lohan) last summer and she talked about herself a lot. She said she was going to win an Oscar before she turns 25. I just kept thinking, ‘But you can’t act.’”

We salute you, you red-haired limey.

Starting with this post, a new column on the blog will be dedicated to movies so terribly bad that they actually end up being more entertaining than most other films around. First, let’s take a look at…

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky.

A 1991 action film from Hong Kong which had a very limited run in the US in 1993, this disasterpiece has gained quite a cult following. It is one of the most hilarious movies I’ve ever seen. In order to get you to see this, I will list just a few of the awesome things that happen in this movie…

-An endless amount of words of wisdom come from the film. An example includes Ricky’s uncle saying, “You were as strong as a bull, and so I named you Ricky.” Also, at one point the evil warden of the prison says, “I’m tougher than you think! The warden of any prison has to be the very best in kung-fu.”

-Illogical violence. One punch from Ricky can impale someone’s stomach. It seems as if his super strength can only be achieved after he has blood on his mouth, wipes it off with his finger, licks it, and then cracks the same three knuckles in his hand before performing these super punches.

-One of the main bad guys crushes peoples heads with his bare hands.

-Ricky gets cut in the arm and then proceeds to tie a knot with his own tendon in order to heal himself.

-At one point, one of the bad guys takes his own intestines and tries to strangle Ricky with them.

-Clearly one of the main bud guys that fights Ricky is a woman despite it being an all male prison.

-The evil warden has an extremely fat son who wears the same high socks and shorts throughout all his scenes…giggling almost the whole time.

-The assistant Warden has a fake eye that he likes to randomly take out at unnecessary times.

-All the other prisoners take it upon themselves to explain every little detail of what is going on to each other.

-The assistant warden blimps up after being shot by a gun that, for no reason at all, makes people explode.

I could go on and on, but with every single scene there is a treasure chest of hilarious lines, facial expressions, and plot holes to last a life time. Rent or buy this movie as soon as possible or else, as Ricky says, “you’ll die mutilated today!”

I mashed up two of the trailers for Horton Hears a Who and combined it with the trailer for The Dark Knight creating Horton Hears a Joker.

I edited the trailers for the Adam Sandler movie Don’t Mess With The Zohan and mashed it up with the trailer for the Pierce Brosnan music Mama Mia.

Horton Hears a Who: This is first and probably last time I’ll ever give a movie starring an elephant (sorry Operation Dumbo Drop 2) a good review with the exception of the possible prequel Horton Hatches an Egg. But, a good rating for this film is rightfully deserved. Beyond the fact that the voice acting is done by Jim Carrey, Steve Carrell, Carol Burnett, and others…it’s simply a great movie all around. The creators of the live action version of Cat in the Hat should have been as smart and made their movie animated as well…or possibly just not make it at all. If it was also completely animated, we would have just had to listen to Mike Myers act weird and stupid and not also see him in that ridiculous get up.

It was probably a much easier decision to make this animated because well…it stars a fucking elephant.

Working in child care for a pretty long time, I saw most of the recent kids films on Friday afternoons which was movie time, naturally. For the most part (and I’m looking at you SHREK), they were a far cry from the kids movies I grew up with: Toy Story, Lion King, etc. I was no longer seeing movies that had the humor and heart of those previously mentioned films, but instead I saw bullshit like ROBOTS.

Finally, here’s a movie that, sure, is based on a children’s books and aimed mostly at kids…but adults can truly enjoy. Gone are the faux-edgy jokes from recent animated kids movies that are supposed to make older people laugh, but instead are replaced with universal comedy that anybody can laugh at because well…it’s actually funny. I won’t go into the plot because most have read the book (or had it read to them) at some point in their lives.

Whether you’re a high school geek with a heart of a gold, soccer mom, or a UFC fighter, Horton will most likely make you laugh and smile at the “awww” moments. If they don’t, you’re probably Charles Manson.

Grade: A-

Drillbit Taylor: Let’s see what this movie has going for it: Co-written by Seth Rogan and Kristofor Brown (former Beavis & Butthead writer), produced by Judd Apatow, and starring Owen Wilson pre-suicide attempt, of course. Should be pretty damn good, right? On paper, it sure is a real winner. On the big screen it’s more of a mixed bag. It plays out like the son of Superbad meets the 80s classic My Bodyguard without the incredible amounts of laughs or heart.

“ok everyone say ’suicide’ on the count of three!”

But, on it’s own without comparing to other things, it’s definitely one of the more enjoyable movies released recently. Owen Wilson, being his usual self, completely delivers as the homeless man (who I guess spends all his quarters and dimes on perfect hair and a tan ) who lies to the kids in order to get the job as their bodyguard. Naturally, he’s the best part about the film. The young actors as the kids provide a lot of comic relief as well but some of their lines seemed like they probably worked better in the screenplay or in the writer’s head and not actually acted out on screen.

The choice of casting with the bullies was quite good and kinda odd at the same time. The bullies are played by Alex Frost, who played a tormented student harassed by bullies in Gus Van Sant’s Elephant, and then Josh Peck who is known as one half of the kiddie-duo Drake & Josh on Nickelodeon (or as I like to call him…”that kid on Nick who used to be pretty fat and now he’s skinny”). As the villains, they not only scare the living shit out of the kids, but also have some pretty funny scenes.

The film is pretty by the book and full of plenty high school movie clichés, but it also does exactly what it wanted to do: make the audience laugh.
Grade: B