My name is Mu and I love female genetalia. I also love taco bell, coincidence? I think not my friends. But in any case, I’m sure you are dying to see what a goofy haired bastard, such as Mu, has as his top 10 list of beautiful baby butterflies. Yeah, you’re damn right I just alliterated like I’m a damn English teacher. I bet these luscious ladies would think that was hot. They would say “Yeah, that’s hot,” and I’d enjoy it. So fuck the other schmoe’s top 10 lists, mine is going to blow their’s out of the water.

10. Melissa Stark, ESPN Analyst

I do not know what it is about the now married Melissa Stark, but she’s definitely got a cuteness to her. She’s like one of the girls you had a crush on in like fifth grade, but all growns up. She would look good with fewer clothes on that is for sure, but even with those clothes on she is quite sexy. Oh, and Mrs. Stark would most likely be quite fun to rail, and rail again, in the doggy-style position.

Yes, I shout profanities in bed.

Melissa is the kind of girl you go skinny dipping with, if that was your style. I’m quite sure she has a naughty side to her, which is always a good thing with female human beings.

Now imagine if this microphone was a dick, coincidentally placed between my exquisite breasts.

I’d give her tits an 8 out of 10, for they seem to have the perkiness that is oh, so hard to find these days. Perky boobies are better than noogies I always say.

9. The Blair Witch

What else can I say that hasn’t already been said about the Blair Witch? She/It is one hot pussy. For an entity, the Blair Witch is one of the sluttiest, naughtiest, and big bootied.

Yeah let’s do it right on the handprints.

The Blair Witch is such a damn tease. “It” says it wants to rub your piece with the palm of its hand, but all it does is just float around acting dumb. Four out of 10 Blair Witch, 4 out of 10!

As you can tell good ol’ BW is into some S&M.

8. Phoebe Cates

If you are younger than 18 years old as of 2005, you probably don’t know who Phoebe Cates is. Phoebe Cates was a movie star of sorts in the 80’s, in such classic films as Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and Gremlins I & II. As long as we’re sticking with 80’s terminology here, I’m going to say she was quite the “fox” back in the day.

I got naked in the 80’s!

Phoebe still looks decent now-a-days although she is married to Kevin Kline I do believe, but fuck it, I’d fuck her. She looks great for her age to say the least. I would hump her seven times a day. I also promise never to say hump again.

80’s: big hair + big boobies = some type of rubix cube

7. Amy Jo Johnson (the Pink Power Ranger)

So I was a little old for the Power Ranger craze that swept the U.S. in the early-mid 90’s. I wasn’t really watching it for the bad acting and bad fighting sequences, and surely not for some old woman with a cone hat and a blue faced monster. The main reason was, you guessed it, the crush I had on Amy Jo, the pink one.

Pink is my new favorite color baby hot-cha-cha.

When I started to have a crush on Amy Jo, it was right about the time I started to masturbate coincidentally, or maybe not such a coincidence after all. I wanted to kill the fucking green ranger or whatever it was that started to date her in the show, that fucking long-haired prick. Amy went on to star with the equally purdy Keri Russell in some show about college I think. The crush still remained, and still remains today as I would show her what good touches are if we ever crossed paths. We would get wasted and have wild, wild times of giving each other the dutch oven, while naked of course.

I’d like to see her true pink colors if you know what I mean.

6. Heather Mitts

The 2004 winner of Espn’s Page 2 hottest chick resurfaces in my dreams every so often. I did like her way before she was page 2’s poster girl though. She is not only a good soccer player, but she is a fucking HOT soccer player at that. Heather is most definitely one of the hottest female athletes that I know of.

As long as she doesn’t kick me in the balls we’ll be fine

Some female athletes can be butch, but some on the other hand can be really hot. I can’t put my finger on it, there’s just something about a girl who can flex and is very athletic that I just find irresistible.

Keep your “Mitts” ON me … LMAO

Yes, you can kill me for saying LMAO, because I would never ever do that without trying to make fun of it. What Heather? You want to experiment with anal sexuality? Well it’s a dirty job but someone’s got to do it.

5. Ginger Spice a.k.a. Geri Haliwell

Wow, were do I even begin with this one. This is one celebrity chickita that I was obsessed with; I fucking loved her. I was even Ginger Spice for Halloween one year, albeit the ugliest Ginger Spice you’ve probably ever seen, but at least it was funny.

I want to lick the tattoo on her lower back in circular motions

It was all about Ginger man, none of the other Spice Girls held a candle to her, well Baby Spice MAYBE, but no one else. So I wanted to see if the carpet matched the curtains, is that so wrong? She was right to be like Shawn Michaels in ditching her tag team partners, throwing them face first into a proverbial glass window, because the other Spice Girls’ careers were never the same after that.

We are going to make “Putting Ginger on your nipples on a beach” a new shot to replace “Sex on a Beach”

4. Marisa Tomei

The star of “Only the Lonely,” (yeah right), is my next girl in shining thong underwear. Damn, I just thought how good she would look if she was wearing a thong. I don’t necessarily have a crush on Marisa; I just think she is pretty damn hot, especially for her age. She is over 40, and she definitely is not a virgin. There is just something about Italian ladies that I love, especially coming from a traditional Italian family.

She’s only gotten better with age, like fine wine.

Marisa has the “Hot older lady” thing down pat. I wish I could have some fun with her; I bet it would be the best out of anyone on this list. Pretty face, juicy lips, vivacious eyes, still an extremely nice body, pleasant ta-ta’s, and luscious bottisimo. (Thanks Body By Jake for that reference!)

I’d pull an Ashton/Demi Moore with her 20 times over.

Instead of telling you how succulent she is, I will just throw another picture in your face to keep the fans happy.

3. Nicole Eggert

The new girl in the neighborhood, wanted me to go “downstairs,” and it’s understood. She’s there just to take good care of me! Damn right she is. Scott Baio should have banged her 50 times over what was he thinking?

“I know I’m wearing a raincoat, but just make sure YOU wear one.” – Nicole

So, she went on to “Baywatch” big deal, like I want to watch her milk filled cannons bob up and down for a half hour straight. She matured from cute 80’s teenager, to hot ass fucking beach chick that will make your mouth water.

Forgive me if I make any typos, I’m only using one hand.

2. Jennifer Aniston

What the fuck is wrong with Brad Pitt? Sure he can have any girl he wants but choosing Angelina Jolie over Jen Aniston? I don’t know about that one, big guy. Sure Angelina is hot, but Jen is a sex icon. She was far and away the hottest on “Friends,” and you damn well know she has got to be a freak in bed.

Schwing!

Everyone back in high school used to think good ol’ Mu resembled Ross, Aniston’s love interest on “Friends.” This only used to make me crave Jenny more than White Castle, which is saying a lot. I can’t find anything wrong with Jennifer, she is a 10 out of 10 in my opinion, but she is still numero two next to the hottest chick on the block.

Hello! You pointed to your boobies!

1. Elisha Cuthbert

This is the end, my only friend, the end. What a better way to end my seemingly endless list of tits and ass then to give you a glimpse of the girl whose ass I simply adore. Everything else about her is simply glorious as well. Her eyes are a majestic blue you could almost get lost in. The rest of her body is just fucking mmmmmwah! Stewed to a perfection.

And I hear she’s a classic rock chick too.

It all started with Old School, that movie with Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, and Luke Wilson. Well in case you missed it Elisha was in that movie as well, and slept with Luke Wilson during Mitch-a-palooza. It is when they wake up and talk to each other when they show the best film shot in the history of film, as the camera zooms in on Elisha laying on her stomach. Her backside should meet my front side in a winner take all rumble.

How I want to get naked and listen to “Baby Baluga in the Deep Blue Sea” with her let me count the ways.

One more time, for all the superfan #99’s out there.

Blood sugar sex magic baby

And I’m spent. You’d be too if you fantasized about these 10 lovely ladies in an adult manner. It’s almost as good as the real thing. Fuck that, who am I kidding. Seriously though, this is just a list of random celebrities I’d like to fuck. RCILF. That is pretty much all it is, yes, even the Blair Witch. No, I don’t have any nudes of Blair Witch, you’ll have to find them yourself. If you fantasize about me and sometimes Kermit the Frog now that is a different story, but I’d love to talk to you about it. Peace.

Questions or comments? E-mail Zubazfiles@yahoo.com