Plain and simple: fuck girls who think they have it worse than guys. Sure, I’ll give them the childbirth thing and the period once a month, but that’s it, and even that’s pushing the envelope. Their life is easy as Hell compared to a man’s. Want proof? Well don’t mind me if I take it upon my gorgeous looking self to prove not only do guys have it worse than girls, but because women do think they have it worse, it’s just more evidence that women bitch too much and will complain about anything.

For one, men pretty much get hair on every square inch of our body, and it only grows with age. Unless of course you are one of those guys who can’t grow hair for anything. But even then, they have some serious issues that girls can’t even relate too, like being a pussy. Even so, contrary to popular belief, having hair everywhere is basically as comfortable as cutting your fingernail too short, it’s tragically annoying. And don’t even get me started on ass hair. Because of that hair a man can’t even take a shit without needing a shower to wash his asshole out since shit clings to ass hair like a girl with no other friends clings to her boyfriend. And even then, us guys can only pray we cleaned well enough so that we didn’t leave just enough remnants behind that would allow for our underwear to turn into a fecal graveyard and inevitably result in skid marks, which is an embarrassment no man should be forced to suffer. Having ass hair really is a full time job. But women wouldn’t know anything about that, would they?

Then, because of this excess hair, us men have to shave extraordinarily way too much, especially our faces. And doing this repeatedly during every week of your adult life, which is damn near required to be socially acceptable, is pretty much the equivalent of slicing off several layers of your face like its some kind of deli meat. And of course when you cut yourself, it’s there for everyone to see, basically screaming “I’m a tool who can’t shave.” But the girls, all they have to shave is their legs, a place that is easily hidden if you get a cut or don’t want to shave for a few days (perhaps to hide the fact that you’re a dyke), doesn’t require looking into a mirror, and is not all that sensitive, as lord knows under a mans chin is more sensitive than a dick after a toothy blowjob.

But lets not forget the pubic area. And yes guys, by now you should be shaving your balls at the very least. It’s the millennium and if you aren’t, you are a fool and you are disappointing your girlfriend (if you even have one, which is unlikely if you have a fumanchoo for a package). But this is no easy task since we are forced to work under hazardous conditions, being that of a slab of wrinkly loose skin. It doesn’t take a genius to know this isn’t the easiest thing to shave. If you don’t pull the skin taught and use a tater as a shaving station, you’re in danger of one of the worst things imaginable, cutting open your nutsack. And let me tell you, this truly is frightening. These cuts seem to bleed longer than any other cut you have ever had, forcing you to think that maybe, just maybe, your babymakers may fall out. But girls wouldn’t know about this would they? No, when they shave (and they damn well better be), they get a nice firm vaginal area to shave on, making it easy as hell to shave and actually making it hard to cut themselves.

Moving on, what about the bar scene? The difference in service between guys and girls is reminiscent of black/white segregation. At the low, low cost of their self-decency, with a little flirting and showing their boobs girls get to reap such benefits as dancing on bars, getting free drinks, and other VIP services. And what about guys? Could you even imagine if a guy tried to dance on the bar? He’d probably take a Rodney King type beating. And guys stand a better chance of beating Super Mario Bros. without warping than they do of getting free drinks, as the only way guys get free drink is if the waitress accidentally spills one on you. Thanks, but no thanks.

Plus, guys can’t even dress nicely nowadays. Girls, they look nice and everyone takes notice for all the right reasons. A guy looks nice however, and he is labeled a ‘metrosexual’ and rumors start flying about him being gay. Sorry world, although guys do like dressing down and resorting to their caveman tendencies, once in a while we like to look nice, and it’s not because we like running a train on the local butt pirate. But what’s even more bullshit is that when girls look good, and then we look (especially if there’s cleavage involved), they get pissed at us for staring. What the fuck? You just spent probably two hours getting ready so you would look perfect, have your tits falling out of your shirt, and now we can’t look? Yeah right, I’m onto you girls. I know you like it, you are just trying to act offended in front of your friends so they don’t think you’re slutty. But that’s ok, because I like them slutty. Oh yeah. Email me, we’ll meet up.

Anyways, lets not forget about the about expectations guys are supposed to meet. You girls have one expectation to meet, satisfying our libido by any means necessary. But for us guys, the expectations never end. If its not being a gentleman, it’s being romantic. If it’s not being the one to make the first move, it’s lasting longer than two minutes during sex. The expectations never end. Honestly, I want to meet a man who was such a gentleman he actually put his coat over a puddle so the girl could walk over it, because I will hurt this man. I may actually pick up his girlfriend and hit him with her because he is so pathetic. And being romantic? Man, that is more played out than tribal tattoos. And making the first move? Now this is retarded. Half the time girls just use a guy for a free drink like a shady ho, so why should I even bother. If you aren’t interested, say so from the beginning and don’t rob us men. And besides, it’s much easier for a girl to get laid than it is for a guy, as most guys I know will stick their dick in just about anything consenting, and for some guys that’s not even a requirement. So since we are so easy, how about you take your pick and come to us? It would save us all a lot of time, money, and awkward rejections.

As for cumming in two minutes, unlike women who’s only pressure during sex is lying on their back and providing enough wet lubrication, guys face enormous pressure. I bet women don’t even realize that men have to think about other things during sex like basketball, 2X4’s, and pizza, as well as tell themselves “don’t cum,’ all in an effort to keep them from cumming too soon. Add this into the common thoughts of ‘am I grabbing her boobs to much?,’ ‘where am I going to cum?,’ and ‘I wonder if she is faking it?,’ and a guy is so side tracked he doesn’t get the full experience of the nookie. The pressure sucks, hands down. Bu you girls wouldn’t know about that would you?

But one thing they do know about is how to react if you do cum in two minutes. For the man, only the lord can help you now. Not only is the after sex situation awkward as hell, but not even the ‘it’s never happened before’ excuse going to save you from having your reputation forever tarnished by this girl. Because of her disappointment in you, in addition to never getting to nail her again, she is guaranteed to tell all of her friends about your lack of performance, who will then tell all of their friends, and then no one will ever want to sleep with you again. This leaves men with only two options, spend the rest of your lonely nights with crackhead hookers, or move out of state and start over. Thanks bitches, you must be real oppressed with your multiple orgasms. I really don’t think women realize the pressure here, and how lucky they really have it.

And don’t even get me started about oral sex. For every girl who doesn’t mind giving head, there is one girl who says it’s nasty and won’t go near cum. Of course these are the first girls who are ready, willing, and able to let you go down on them. Now I won’t discount cum, that shit is nasty and I wouldn’t want to taste it either. Hell, I don’t like to go near my own cum. But think about this, going down on a girl is us men navigating through a labyrinth of flaps and folds all in an effort to find one specific spot, that we are supposed to lick repeatedly. Think about this. We are expected to literally lick the inside of a kooch. The same area that piss trickles out of. And you think this isn’t nasty? At least our dick is just skin and its not hiding under layers of skin. Plus, it’s not like we are asking you to lick inside our dick hole. And you don’t have to go near the cum with your mouth if you don’t want to (although it would be a lot cooler if you did). Do the over the shoulder technique for all we care, as long as we cum, we don’t care too much.

Speaking of the package, this area sucks on the utmost of levels. Yes, girls have tits, and I am sure they are annoying once and a while. But at least they aren’t between your legs bouncing off your thighs every step you take. And what’s worse than that is accidentally sitting on a tater, as that causes gruesome pain. Have you ever sat on your areola girls? I’m willing to bet you haven’t. And as much credit as I’ll give childbirth, I am going to cancel that out with getting hit in the balls. This is the most painful thing in the world. It just has to be, nothing can hurt more, nothing. It’s just not possible. I mean, it doesn’t just hurt your balls. You feel it all the way up in your stomach and throat. You are instantly paralyzed into the fetal position holding your balls as it feels like your soul, sense of humor, morals, education, ego, and mojo have been violently ripped out through your groin. And then to make matters worse, this pain doesn’t go away after a few minutes. Oh no, you feel it for days, and every day that goes by the man can’t help but wonder if he is ever going to be able to have sex again, and prays to any God that will listen in hopes of the pain going away. Something tells me girls don’t get the same feeling when they take a shot too the vag.

Continuing with the dick, masturbation sucks. It’s not a clean, cut and dry situation like it is for a girl. Girls don’t have messes like us men, and us having to clean it up can only be described in one word, disgusting. After cumming there is one thing and one thing only guys want to do, and that’s roll over and sleep. Cleaning up nasty ass splooge is very far down on the list of things to do, probably right behind having a girl stick her thumb in our ass during a blowjob. But you have to do it, and because of this guys have time to reflect on what they just did. And even though you wanted to do it before, and you were all about it during the act, the second you cum and start to clean up it’s a whole different feeling. You look down to see cum everywhere and you get disgusted with yourself. As if you just killed a kitten, you feel like shit. However, that doesn’t prevent you from doing it again 24 hours later. Oh hell, maybe even six hours later.

Furthermore, getting it up may be the worst issue of being a man ever. Not because it’s hard to do, but because it’s too easy. What I’m talking about is involuntary erections. These are the most awkward things in the history of awkward things. I did a little research and found that the average man gets 11 a day. Right there, on a daily basis men are forced into 11 ridiculously awkward situations a day where you are sitting there and bam, all of a sudden they’ve got a raging boner. Personally considering I have been getting these monstrosities for about the last 10 years, that adds up to 40,150 tragically awkward moments. 40,150!!! Just the other day I was eating an apple and I looked down and I had a boner. What happened I have no idea, but it was there, staring at me, propping my pants straight up. Luckily, no one was around because in normal circumstances these things aren’t easy to hide. As much as you would like to pull it out and toss it around a bit, you have to hide this one-eyed monster before any one notices. Do you tuck it up or do you use something to cover it? Whatever your method, you can only hope to God that no one notices, or even worse, gets poked with it. And what do girls have, hard nipples? Oh God no, not hard nipples. Not those little things that stick out only a ¼ of an inch. Not those things most guys would use to floss their teeth with if it were possible. I may be going out on a limb here, but I don’t think guys with boners have quite the same affect on girls. Call me crazy, but I think that’s just the way it is.

And finally, one last thing that may be the biggest of them all. I am talking about the tradition where men are supposed to propose to the women. Now, not only do we have to wine and dine you for a few years, spending countless amounts of money on the girl, now we have to go spend a few months salary on a damn ring. But not only do we have to do that, we have to be creative and romantic when we propose. You can’t get any more pressure than that because if it’s not a good proposal, you are fucked because even if she does say yes, she will forever remind you of how bad your proposal was. You know what women, quit being lazy and sucking up all of our money and time. Do us a favor and propose to us. Hell, we’ll even save you some money because we don’t need any ring. We would much rather settle for a contract binding you into one blowjob, every day, forever. Then maybe, just maybe, being a guy may just be worth all of this crap.

So what do girls have left to bitch about? A bleeding vagina once a month? Hell, I’ll take that any day compared to the crap I already have to go through as a man. That’s a cakewalk. I’m sure girls won’t agree with me, and you know what, I don’t care. Sure they may have it rough at points, but not nearly as bad as us guys. We live a hard life. We deserved to be praised and honored for what we struggle through. So please ladies, feel free to send and admiration or condolences to my email at Ikartz11@yahoo.com . It would be greatly appreciated.

Questions? Comments? Any girls want to make a rebuttal? If so, email me at Ikartz11@yahoo.com.

And as always, don’t forget to check out my archives Here.