Usually beer of any kind is good. I mean who doesn’t like beer? Give me a girl that loves to drink beer any day. Whether you’re at the fucking OLIVE GARDEN or you’re drinking out of the wrong side of a funnel, you can always be in the mood for beer.

Guinness

Don’t you wish you could pump it straight into your veins sometimes?

I know some people don’t particularly like dark beer and that’s fine because it might make you have to poo, but for those that indulge in the dark aroma, Guinness is like the wine at church, it’s just GOOD. When we here at ZubazPants.com get rich and famous one day, we will most undoubtedly have a pump in our backyard that produced only Guinness. Not for those nights when you’re getting belligerently drunk, Guinness is a great beer just to sip and savor while you’re chilling.

Yes, I will become one with this keg.

Samuel Adams Summer Ale

You can taste the season of summer with this beer.

Ah, Sam Adams, it’ll get ya drunk. The best type of Sam Adams yearlong seasonal beer selection has got to be the Summer Ale, with the White Ale (for Spring) coming in a close second. With one sip, you will be able to taste thunderstorm activity, humidity, and freshly cut lawn grass. If that isn’t enough to make you want to devour this bottled goodness, then chill outside with your friends somewhere and get it done yourself.

Genny Light

Rochester’s Own

Oh how Rochester(ians) /Rochester(ites) love this skuzzy brew. It really doesn’t get much worse than this beer taste wise, but if you’re out to get fucking hammered and don’t really care about taste, then this is the beer for you. Slam down a 30 pack to your skull for the mere price of $6.99 and never look back!

Caution: For funneling only.

Pabst Blue Ribbon

Hey they didn’t win a blue ribbon for nothing!

It’s not the Nobel Prize but at least the makers of this beer won a blue ribbon for their troubles. Sold in 6 and 12 packs everywhere, mostly old men drink it, but starving college kids might pony up for a $4.99 12 pack in desperate times. Once again, I’d use this kind of beer on a night where you lose count of how many beers you consume.

Pabst, now sponsored by CARDS everywhere.

Keystone Light

The house of the Oneonta Chapter of ZubazPants.com

Keystone Light 30 pack = $8.99, and just a tad notch up from good ol’ Genny Light. If you college goers have the extra buck or two, go nuts and spend it on Keystone instead of Genny or Beast. After all, it’s the least bitter beer. The Stones are a perfect kind of beer to have a case race with because they slide down like water. It’s a little known fact actually that Keystone Lights are actually Coors Lights in Disguise (just the cans that got dinged up turn into Keystones instead of Coors). You will notice every Keystone Light can has a dent or some type of “bruise” on it.

BITTER BEER FACE!

Magic Hat: #9

The bottled up version of a blunt.

I’ve been told that Magic Hats are generally the type of beer that “hippies” usually covet in their nice warm tents with black lights a flowing. Whether that be true or not, this is a phenomenal tasting beer. Magic Hat has many different kinds within its own brand, but the best has got to be the #9 label. It must be because I would rate it a 9 on a scale of 1-10. That’s what it must be!

Corona

And this isn’t even in Mexico.

Take a Corona, add a slice of lime into the bottle, turn upside down for a minute, then right side up once again, and you have summer in your mouth. Sure Sam Adam’s Summer Ale is for the summer too, but Corona has to be the official beer of summer EVERYWHERE. However, it is true that I’ve been told that Corona is actually Mexican piss by an unnamed source. In actuality this isn’t even the best beer to come out of Mexico. Look to Dos Equis for your answer there.

George Killian’s Irish Red Brew

If it could talk it would say, “You can call me Killians.”

Might be the best of all the “red brews,” Killians is a darkish beer that you can slug down the hatch. It is consumed best if listening to bagpipe music at the same time. Killians is also a great traditional way to go if drinking for St. Patty’s Day, if Guinness isn’t your cup of tea. Hi-Five!

Molson Golden

In the USA, Canadian beer rules the roost.

Just a great way to switch up the pace if all you do is drink Bud/Miller Lite beers all the time. The Golden is the best of the Molson family, as it combines a bitter taste with the lightness of a Miller.

Also can’t go wrong with a Labatt Blue on a nice day out in the sun

Saranac Ale

Doesn’t this picture make you want a Saranac right now?

This beer makes me want to camp up in the mountains and cram these liquids into my throat hole and swish it around till I have to swallow it.

Red Stripe

I’d drink the stripe with that Jamaican dude

The best part about Red Stripe is the shape of the bottle. If you know what a “chode” type of penis/dick is, then you will probably understand the shape of the Red Stripe. That doesn’t bother this writer though because it makes it easy to handle. Red Stripe is also always guaranteed to be the hit of the party; everyone will want it because YOU’RE CRAZY FOR GETTING IT.

Birra Moretti

Italian Renaissance in a bottle

Italy is another country that can make some damn good beer. I’d have to take the Moretti over the Peroni though just for taste value. It makes for a wonderful treat at any Italian festival.

Amstel Light

Where is the regular Amstel?

Amstel is definitely one of the best light beers there is to drink. You’ll have to shell out a few more bucks to get it though. Then when you do get it, the person who got it most likely will brag about how they got it for you because it was so expensive when it wasn’t really THAT expensive.

Rolling Rock

What about shower sandals/cup holder for the Rock?

Rolling Rock is always a good choice, unless of course you won’t drink beer out of a green bottle, then you’re shit out of luck. I’m sure you’ve had it before if not then give it a shot.

Last but not least I’ll leave with a picture of a perfect day in Germany where the weather was quite strange to say the least. It was raining GROLSCH!

That’ll cause for some hazardous driving.

Questions? Comments? Do you look better after a few beers? If so, e-mail me at Yeahyeahyeaaah@yahoo.com

And don’t forget to check out my archives Here