Hey everybody! It’s the end of 2005, and you know what that means. Reflect back on all the good times you’ve had, sipping some winter holiday seasoned beer, and thinking what could be in store for you and your perverted friends in the year of the dog, 2006.

Well guess what?! Ol’ Mu is here to shed some light on an otherwise darkened tunnel of what he thinks is going to happen in the coming year. First off, a year is just a time frame made up by ourselves, for ourselves. Do you think animals such as dogs, cats, and Tivo understand what a “year” is? Most likely the answer is no. Don’t fret however, because we actually do celebrate the end of one year and the beginning of another and it involves alcohol, man’s best friend.

Alas my predictions are ready to go, just like General Tso and his chicken:

”I like 2006,” says the General.

This year, the expression known as “Boo-Bam,” will replace the English words “Yes,” “Cool,” and “I like this.” It will be used when something unexpectedly goes your way to which you would proclaim, “Boo-Bam” right on the spot. It also works when adding a suffix to the end, if something was “Boo-Bammin.”

Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees will finally stop donning purple Chap Stick, or lipstick, or whatever stick he puts on his lips. Instead, he will wear a spider-man mask at all times; while batting, stealing a base, or even whistling.

”Joo know A-Rah like Spidey-man.”

That English prick, Craig Ferguson, who took over one of the late night talk shows, will breed a new breed of dog, and call them “the Rainbow Connection.” These new dogs will be able to talk, sing, and dance and eat their own pile of feces.

Life is like Craig Ferguson. Gay.

Straight up hardcore porn will become mainstream with a new category to search for called “Mentally Challenged Sexual Encounters,” and people will laugh.

ZubazPants.com Owner/Founder/Creator Jim Byrne will propose to his long time girlfriend Stacy just like Macho Man Randy Savage proposed to the first lady of wrestling Elizabeth. This will occur on Valentines Day right before the end of the world. Bummer.

Stacyyyy, Stacyyyy, Stacyyy, Stacyyy, (Jim looks around at the crowd), STACYYYYYY, WILL YOUUUUUU MARRRRRRRRRYYYYY MEEEEE!!!??

There will be a plethora of Zubazapalooza’s throughout the entire year, and everyone wearing a pair of zubaz pants will be wasted and have glorious sexual encounters with members of the opposite sex.

The World’s largest game of “flip cup” will take place spanning from Washington D.C. to Richmond, Virginia. What, did you think I was going to say somewhere further like Cali-fornia?

Communist Cuba upset at the United States for not allowing them in the World Baseball Championship will steal reality television from the United States. One of the television shows will consist of Fidel Castro, Tom Arnold, and Lisa Simpson on a cross-Cuba road trip with hilarious shenanigans.

Extraterrestrials finally come to Earth and Kobe Bryant has an illicit affair with one of the female ones, which brings another year long trial about and is reported by some red-haired chick on ESPN.

The Seven Dwarfs finally add a new member to their group, so they will be 8 dwarfs from there on out. The new dwarf inducted will be called Funky, and he will bear an eerie similarity to George Clinton.

”Ya think Snow White will give up tha funk Sneezy?”

Dominique Moceanu will make a triumphant return to gymnastics and do a routine where she will crack open nutshells with her bare legs. Men from Texas will hump their television sets in shock and enjoyment.

Someone will “sex Dikembe Mutombo,” and it will be none other than Roseanne Barr. They will have kids late in the year, and it will have one of the most fucked up voices in our history as human beings.

The New York Islanders sign “Splinter” from the Ninja Turtles to be their goalie of the future. To avoid any conflict with the league about “Splinter” being illegal, they changed his name to Tony.

Tony likes to listen to the song “I did it all for the nookie” before every game to psyche him up.

Road Head will be declared legal in 42 states.

So will road-eating out the vagina.

Ellen Degeneres comes out of the closet, AGAIN. This time it will be a REAL closet, and that’s how she will enter her talk show every day.

In an effort to spread history down to our younger generation, in the summer President Bush will make every ice cream truck carry Gandhi ice cream bars with gumballs replacing his glasses. It will be called the Mahatma monkey.

The Sears Tower in Chicago gets traded to Seattle for the Space Needle.

So uh, buddy, you’ve been traded to Chicago, pack your bags and your elevator.

It becomes socially acceptable for women to admit they masturbate.

Shaquille O’Neal will eat fire and spit it out, but people will still remember he was in Kazaam!

John Madden hands over the reigns to his football video games to one of the pillagers in the Capital One commercials.

Duncan Shiek is still barely breathing. Someone will give him an oxygen tank for his birthday finally.

And there you have it. Ok, so some of these things might not happen in 2006 but you never know. Anyways, thanks for making 2005 the year of the ZUBAZ! Keep reading, join the forum, and add us to your favorites even. I don’t recommend talking like Snagglepuss though; people might kick your asshole in.

-MÚ

Questions or comments? E-mail yeahyeahyeaaah@yahoo.com.