Winter is starting to wear thin on me already, and only one thing is helping me get through it all, and that is the god-like Peyton Manning and my favorite team and yours…Indianapolis Colts. While we don’t have the best defense in the league, I do think it’s starting to come around. With emerging stars like Dwight Freeney “Falling” and Robert “Do the” Mathis, I have reason to be excited about this year.

Finishing 12-4 in any given year will almost surely be good enough to lock up a “bye” in the first round but this year the AFC featured some pretty amazing teams ala New England and Pittsburgh, so unfortunately the Colts had to play in the first round. This brings us to the Denver Broncos at our Indy Colts. Jake “the Snake” Plummer vs. Peyton “Manfred” Manning. I’ll take those odds anyday. You never trust a snake. Now it’s game diary time which will be how Bill Simmons preferred to write about his precious Red Sox scum while they were doing something I most unappreciated last year. Took ‘em long enough.

12:00-After getting home from work at about 5:30 in the morning I went to sleep only to wake up in what seemed like a few minutes, but I did not care, it was game day for the Colts in the Playoffs, what could be better.

1:00-Game gets underway, Colts get ball first and I do my best Tom Jackson laugh impersonation as I think Plummer with a beard looks fishy.

1:15-3rd Down B-Men, Monty “Python” Reagor a Defensive Lineman drops back into pass coverage and bats a pass into the next millennium. That’s right, the year 3000. I went there.

1:20-Manning at work. Coming from a land down under, he slinkies a few passes to Wayne (which would be a recurring theme). Throw to Pollard almost a touchdown but he only got 1 foot in. Broncos then blitz Manning and he gives the ol’ Folly Floater to James Mungro “Jerry” for the first touchdown of the game. I think my exact words were “SHIT YEAH!” just in case anyone was looking for facts about what I was doing while watching the game.

Now that I think about it, they should make that a show on CBS…god knows they have 246 awful shows about crime investigation on there already, why not just make a show about me watching football and giving people “noogies.”

1:35-Colts get the ball back already and Dallas Clark makes an un-real one-handed grab. So much for the Broncos’ defense showing how “soft” the Colts receivers were. I think it is the Broncos D who’s starting to look soft here.

Dallas Clark may call SODA “Pop,” but he is so happy the Colts are winning he asks his teammates to sprinkle fairy dust on him so he can fly.

1:45-After a Bronco CB named Rock Alexander gets schooled on almost every play in the game by Wayne, he blatantly interferes setting up 1st and goal and TOUCHDOWN EDGE. 14-0 and we kickoff to the Broncos and a fellow on the Colts Special Teams by the name of Wayne Bacon absofuckinglutely crushes Cecil Sapp making him feel special. Maybe Cecil Sapp should sit with the mentally challenged table in elementary school now.

1:50-A mere 5 minutes later and Mike Doss snags an errant Plummer throw and Manning drives down the field almost instantaneously with a deep throw to Wayne. (Manning 156 yards in 1st quarter)

2:00-After Manning makes his one mistake because he hurried the play in, the Broncos start a drive. Plummer with a throw to Lelie, challenged and reversed because Lelie that buffoon can’t handle the ball correctly.

2:03-This Beck’s commercial is really starting to annoy me.
I’m sure you saw it at least 4.3 times if you were watching football today. It says something along the lines of a. drink with your friends, b. don’t cough while kissing a girl, and c. something about confusing the two….or some crap like that. Fuck that shit. Fucking commercials.

2:09-Frustrated and hungry I took a meatball break while watching Denver kick a field goal and try for an onside kick…SILLY BRONCOS! I think Theo Huxtible is in at quarterback for them now.

Anyone want a He Hate Theo jersey?

2:25-Dallas Clark Touchdown (21-3), then like 3 seconds later Wayne schools Rock Alexander 5 times in a row and gets a score to make it 28-3. With 4:22 left in the 2nd quarter (Wayne 147 yards 1 td).

2:31-Raheem Brock eats one of those old WWF ice cream sandwiches to stay cool (Razor Ramon was the featured wrestler on the front of the cookie part), and he goes for the double double and sacks Plummer into the ground.

Something happen to the football chico…something happen to YOU!

2:35-Ok I just realized something. Anyone outside of Yorktown might not know this but bear with me. That Dodge Ram commercial where the 2 dudes pretend to be broken down and the one dude gets to ride in the front and they sing “Best Friends,” well he reminds me A LOT of a country version of Rich Keating; a young man we graduated with (no relation to Nate Kaeding of Problem Child 2 and San Diego Chargers fame.)

2:40-Manning sneak-touchdown to close out the half with 360 pass yards. Brian the dog from Family Guy says “AL WILSON IS PISSED.”

Since I’m running on around 5 hours of sleep thanks to working late, I try and catch some power nap time before Theo and the Broncos come back.

3:30-Plummer had 2 drives=boring=sleep=something about calling soda/pop Putzier instead. Nothing really mattered here, our d had nothing to play for anymore.

3:31-Long TD pass to Wayne out of the slant. That’s it, I’m Moving to Kona, hometown of Crush.

Crush is scarier than this, and he’s Hawaiian.

3:33-I don’t understand this Nextel commercial with the guys moving their feet really fast and flying (like bees to a hive). I can’t fly motherfucker so why would I buy a Nextel. FUCK. I HATE BEES.

3:40-What ever happened to those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books? Those were pretty sweet.

If you want Peyton Manning to eat Tom Brady’s children go to page 6.
If you think Tom Brady’s a pussy go to page 9.

4:00-Game’s over 49-24. I feel like the Colts are Macho Man Randy Savage and The Patriots are Ric Flair in Wrestlemania 8 now for next week.

Macho Man in a post match interview: “Ohh yeah this is what makes you tick, THIS IS WHAT MAKES YOU TICK, this is what makes you tick, Ric Flair.”

Only the Colts won’t be high as a kite on cocaine.

Questions? Get sick from a Shawn Michaels Ice Cream Bar? Contact me at Yeahyeahyeaaah@yahoo.com and I will give the WWF a stern talking to.