Sorry…Did I scare you?

Countdowns are always fun so what would be cooler than to countdown the top 40 TV theme songs (non-cartoon related) of all time. “NFL PRIMETIME NEXT…….."

We all know it. A really good theme song makes the show you’re about to watch that much more enjoyable. There are no words to describe the feeling, it just gets you psyched up seeing the characters involved in some random clip (a la Tony Danza asking Angela for a ‘spit-handshake’ in “Who’s the Boss), while the exciting tune that’s themed for the show plays.

I mean, at no point has TV Theme song collecting become a “craze” like snap braceletsor chia pets, but find the right person, sing out your praise for your favorite classic TV show and more than likely they will know exactly what show you are talking about. That in turn will get the both of you off on a wild ride to friendship land, or if it’s some one of the opposite sex, France.

You know what else was cool…3-D glasses…I want a pair of those just to keep around to see if anything will just jump out and fly at me.

Well there are 40 classics to get through so I better get a move on. I thought about doing this article while pretending I was Stuart Scott, but I came to the conclusion I’d kill myself…AND Stuart Scott.

The Top 40 Theme Songs ever to hit TELEMUNDO Click here if you want to listen to a majority of them

40. The Dick Van Dyke Show First off, the series took place in New Rochelle, NY. New FUCKING Rochelle. This theme song has possibly the best whistling I’ve ever heard. I think you have to be some sort of skilled whistler to pull it off like whoever did the theme. Try it, but watch out…it’s CATCHY. Personally I’ve never watched the show but I know its theme very well and I’m sure most of you do too. It was that powerful.

39. ”Coach”

Another theme song that has no words to it but this sounded like a college band at halftime at a football game. Seeing as how Craig T. Nelson starred as the Head Coach of the Minnesota Gophers Football Team, this seemed quite appropriate. As assistants, he had none other than Luther and muthafuckin Dauber. They were some goofy fucks, especially Dauber, who’d always find some way to fuck up Coach Hayden’s game plans. In my opinionation (Blossom theme song reference), Dauber is one of the most comical, classic, characters in television history. They should make one of those “surreal lives” with him in it.

(Editor’s note from Jim Byrne: I’ve been thinking about Dauber for all of my life. If you know me, you know that I like to write things down when I think they are funny or clever or whatever. Well, in my little book of notes I have written “Dauber” approximately 17 times! So, expect a full length Dauber column in the near future. Back to your regularly scheduled Morano programming)

38. Miami Vice

Okay, look at that picture closely. They actually have Miami Vice Conventions? Isn’t it crazy how you can find this shit on the internet? Imagine what that convention would actually be like. No really, imagine it.

37. Whi-Whi-Wild and Crazy Kids

Whoever made that “Wild and Crazy Kids” site is one sick, sick human being. I’d recommend smoking about a half ounce of marijuana before actually reading it so it would be even funnier and make even less sense. Just read some of the shit that person/thing wrote. Plus there are pictures of Donnie Jeffcoat, AND Omar Gooding of “Playmakers” fame. Then there are some drawings that I’ll just leave up to you to see for yourself.

36. The Dukes of Hazzard

“Just the good ol' boys,
Never meanin' no harm,
Beats all you've ever saw, been in trouble with the law
since the day they was born.”
35. “Chips”

Oops..wrong “chips.” Don’t those look deliciouso?

While I enjoy Erik Estrada’s infomercials selling real estate as much as the next guy…well actually I don’t really enjoy it. Those infomercials make me wanna piss all over the TV screen. Fuck you Ponch. The theme song was pretty cool though, you can do the robot to it!

34.

You know, “the Munsters” wasn’t actually a bad show. They were some zany motherfuckers! The grandpa went on into bigger and better things, mainly landing the same gimmick in Gremlins 2: The New Batch, while little Eddie Munster has become one of the stars on the recent Celebrity Dating Show.

33.

Ahh yes, Full House. Now I don’t know what kind of kinky shit Becky and Stephanie were up to in that picture but Becky was always hot. The whole show was extremely corny and cheesy, but the theme song was a hit among the whole entire nation. Not even the president of the united states knows what it says in the opening line “Whatever happened to predictability?” The milkman the paper boy…and oh yes..don’t forget that evening tv. Fuck the olsen twins. Fuck Coulier and Fuck the woodchuck. One last thing. Have Mercy.

32. Knight Rider Only one thing comes to mind while hearing the Knight Rider theme song. That one thing is riding around in Frank Losee’s 1966 Corvair awaiting it to hit 55 mph and flip over multiple times like it was supposed to.

31. MacGyver Except for the one minor fact that Ja Rule used this as a background to one of his so called “raps,” this was a damn good theme song, especially when it kicked in.

If your favorite team is playing on a Monday Night there is nothing better than hearing this theme song to get your juices flowing before kickoff. Nothing.

29.

Classic show. Classic Van. Classic A-Team. Classic Mr. T. I wonder if Mr. T had that gimmick in high school. Legos were classic too. Fucking government trying to get us to build shit.

28.

I really do not know why I watched this show as a child. I hated John Larroquette, and the show was not really intended for kids. I do know that this show had a real classic theme though and the coolest bald man since Mr. Clean in BULL.

27.

Would you not want this as your theme song blaring loudly as you parade down the street with your friends a la the boys in Swingers and Reservoir Dogs? Re-run was one classic motherfucker. The theme went something like this if I do believe … “Wee Wee Wee Wee Wee Wee da-da da-da, da-daw, da-da”

26.

Saturday Nights as a youngster were always plopped in front of that glowing orange couch. Ahhhhh yes, SNICK! Who could forget Snick. As we all know Clarissa’s show started off the festivities at 8:00 pm followed by Roundhouse, Ren & Stimpy, and Are You Afraid of the Dark. What is this the Yankees? Look at that lineup. Well, during Clarissa’s theme she’d write on the TV screen and shit and proclaim you were “way cool!” Thanks Clarissa! Her kid brother Ferguson was one of the biggest douche bags ever. Man I wanted to punch that kid in the face. Then there was “Sam,” and whenever he put up his trusty ladder to Clarissa’s room you’d here that classic noise…I don’t really know how to describe it. Sounds like you’re in the desert and it’s a really hot day. YOU KNOW IT.

25. Beverly Hills 90210

When you hear those classic guitar riffs at the beginning of the theme…doesn’t that just make you want to see the gang at the “Peach Pit?” This show stars one of the original loves of my life, Kelly Kapow….I mean Tiffany Amber Theissen. Maybe Zach can hook me up with one of those cardboard cutouts of her…who does that??

24.

There ya go. I actually will admit I’ve seen every episode of this show. I’m guessing about 97 percent of you reading this have too. I personally don’t know what life would have been like without this show. Imagine making the theme song in the studio jamming out.

23.

Seinfield

One thing. I was going to do this in a lip sync contest at our high school. I know it has no words. I was just simply going to mouth the sounds, that’s all. It would have been AMAZING.

22. “Here we are, face to face...a couple of silver spoons” Replace that little rich blonde kid with Terrell Owens and re-do that show.

21. “Surfside 6. (What's that?)
Surfside 6. (An address?)
Surfside 6. (Where is it?)
In Miami Beach.
Cha cha cha
Cha”

For some reason when I hear the theme to “Surfside 6” I think of one of those motels where you put a quarter in and the bed shakes…but on the bed there are just heads of cabbage bouncing around. Anyways it’s a good theme.

20. Cincinnati WKRP

“Baby, if you've ever wondered,
Wondered whatever became of me,
I'm living on the air in Cincinnati,
Cincinnati, WKRP.”

Holla!!

19.

Webster No that’s not Dick Butkus, Kurt Warner’s wife, and Gary Coleman. It’s WEBSTER! And his parents. Yes the other little black midget. Webster (real name Emmanuel Lewis) didn’t do anything as classic as Gary Coleman, but his theme song was real upbeat. I only remember one episode of this show and I think it was when Webster’s house was on fire because of his chemistry set or some shit.

18.

“Thank you for being a friend”

Yes you are right, that IS the star of “Stop or My Mom will shoot” Estelle Getty.

Now picture Estelle singing the hit song “Desperado.” The Eagles would be proud.

And we all know Blanche always “got around.” If you know what I mean.

17. Pete and Pete Hey smilin' strange, you're lookin' happily deranged
Can you settle to shoot me
And have you picked your target yet,
Hey Sandy ai yi yi yi . . .
Don't you talk back,
Hey Sandy
Four feet away, end of speech it's the end of the day
We was only funnin', but guiltily I thought you had it comin,
Hey Sandy,
Don't ya talk back, hey Sandy”

Theme song for Pete & Pete by “Polaris”

Some of the best damn introductions to characters I’ve ever seen.

16. Mr. Fucking Belvadere “Streaks on the china,
never mattered before,
who cares.

When you drop-kicked your jacket
As you came through the door,
No one glared.”

Every good theme music mentions drop-kicking.

15.

“DANCE YOUR CARES AWAY….
WORRIES FOR ANOTHER DAY…
LET THE MUSIC PLAY…
DOWN AT FRAGGLE ROCK”
Muppets singing and dancing you can even party and drink while listening to this theme song. Put it on your next party mix, plain and simple.

14. Cheers The place that gave Woody Harrelson his dumb gimmick he played out for years.

13. Good Times

“Hangin in a chow line Good Times.”

12. The Jeffersons The theme song that spawned one of the most magical NFL Primetime Catchphrases….Shawn Jefferson “Movin on up’ for 7 yards.” And then there’s that classic guy that plays George Jefferson. I think he’s in the Fresh prince of Bel Air too.

11. Camp Annawanna, we hold you in our hearts, and when we think about you….. You know what was bogus, when they traded that Michael kid for “Pinsky.”

Top 10

10. The Greatest American Hero “Believe it or not, I'm walking on air. I never thought I could feel so free-. Flying away on a wing and a prayer. Who could it be? Believe it or not it's just me.”

Believe it or not I just heard this song in a movie recently. I think it was Fahrenheit 9/11, but I could be wrong. I could be right too. It’s a fucking amazing theme song that’ll get anybody psyched up. Even Plucky Duck, the bogus kid of Daffy.

9.

It's a little wild and a little strange. To make your home out on the range. Mount your house and come along. Cause you can't get a ride if you can't hold on.

Singin': Yippie ki yi yay, yippie ki yi what? Like the cowboys sing: Yippie ki yi yay. Get along little doggie 'til the break of day.

Better watch out for these man-eating jackrabbits and that killer cacti Hey Dude!”

I had the biggest crush on Melody AKA Christine Taylor, lordie she was beautiful. Much better than BRAD. This song gets you inside the dude ranch mentally and physically. The dude ranch wins championships.

8. “Step by Step”

“A second Time Around…”

The theme song set at a carnival or theme park is key, complete with kids screaming on the roller coaster, and the nerdy kid sneezing in his popcorn. Sitcom ICON Patrick Duffy stars as the dad. He’s almost as big an Icon as the one and only ALAN THICKE…….

7.

“Show me that smile again” Somehow I’m reminded of the episode where Kirk Cameron’s shoe makes friends with Tracy Gold’s glasses. This was a cool show with perv sexual comments by the parents once in a while, and Ben was a real asshole especially when he was older.

6. Charles in Charge

The second part of this series was MUCH better. The one with the unbelievably hot Nicole Eggert and John Travolta’s mom. Buddy Limbeck was pretty comical...doesn’t everyone have a friend like that?

Who’s the Boss? Gee, I wonder what Tony Danza’s character’s name was in this sitcom. Could it be…….TONY? “Samantuh….JonaTIN….Angeluh” That Mona, was one piece of ace.

4.

“Cousin Larry and Balki from Mypos”

a. I tried to find Mypos on a map, but alas, I could not. b. “America or Bust”

3.

Diff’rent Strokes

“Now the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum” Basically just a group of fucked up people living together. Especially Conrad Bain (Mr. Drummond.) What I don’t understand is how come you never see “The Gooch.”

2.

Family Matters

“Cachoom….. It’s a rare condition, this day and age To read any good news on the newspaper page”

God I hated Urkel though. Didn’t him and Laura get married in space? And Judy became a porn star? All the readers should hit that on the back side.

And #1 is….

“What would you do if I sang outta tune, Would you stand up and walk out on me. Lend me your ear and I’ll sing you a song, I will try not to sing outta key Oh, baby I get by with a little help from my friends By with a little help from my friends.”

The Wonder Years

One of the best shows of all time possibly the best theme to go along with a show. That dad and brother are numbers 1 and 2 on the all time douche bag list though.

That’s it. I’m out faster than Techno Team 2000.

More lists to come in the future.

Questions, comments? Need to find out what to do on a hail mary? KNOCK IT DOWN and Contact me at Yeahyeahyeaaah@yahoo.com.