When we saw the greatness that was the Brian Weinstein-Dave Rutsky “Halloween Fact or Fiction,” we just knew that a Thanksgiving edition of “Fact or Fiction” was in order. How can you go wrong with two people debating over cranberry sauce, Macy’s Day Parades and Uncle Clem falling asleep in the Mashed Potatoes? You just can’t.

So here it is, Fact or Fiction, Thanksgiving-style.

Fact or Fiction, the best part of Thanksgiving is football.

Morano: Absolute Fact. Well, I for one have never been a HUGE turkey fan but football games always get me looking forward to that day. They always seem to bring back old school uniforms and shit too, which is cool in my book. But, the best was when they had that fuck up on the coin toss for overtime in the Steelers vs. Lions game … good shit. Adding to the glory is the fact that my favorite team, the Indianapolis Colts, are playing on Thanksgiving this year. How can I go wrong?

Jim: Maybe once upon a time I would have said Fact, but not anymore, at least not with the two teams that play every Thanksgiving. Can you get any more boring than the Lions and Cowboys? I mean when was the last time Detroit was competitive? I used to watch them for Barry Sanders alone, and he was exciting as hell, but now, why the hell do I want to watch Joey Harrington and the rest of those bums? To put myself to sleep? And god dammit, I hate the fucking Cowboys. The only good thing about them being on every year is that I can root heavily against them in a drunken stupor.

“Fuckaing Aikaman!! Why doeooesnt than schmuckkk retire alreadyay? Go eat a dick Madden, you beached walrus, mothrerfaucker! WAIT, VINNY TESTAVERDE IS STILL ALIVE?!?! AHWOOOOOGA!”

And besides, we all know the meal itself is the best part of Thanksgiving, not a couple of overrated games that are barely ever entertaining. I will give you the coin flip flap though. Jerome Bettis’ facial expression was classic when official Phil Luckett told him that he didn’t win the toss when he really did.

Classic.

Fact or Fiction: One of the best drinking nights of the year for you is the night before thanksgiving.

Morano: Fact City. Although I’ve had to work and shit on some of these, it really should be a holiday, like Thanksgiving eve or some shit. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE goes out on this night. Everyone is home from school or wherever the fuck they’ve been for the past few months so it’s time to just be classic and get wasted. It is not the night to be listening to Shaggy’s greatest hits however.

Jim: I also have to go with Fact here. There really isn’t a better drinking night than this one. Everyone gets hammered, everyone has a great time and our own Chris Caron always makes you stop the car on the way home to get out and puke. I LOVE THANKSGIVING EVE!

And then you have the bonus of waking up hung over the next morning, only to be healed by the AMAZING Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and all the madness that occurs within. Bonus points when the giant balloons actually kill parade watchers. Actually, I don’t really watch these anymore, but I do remember the old ones being crucial points in my life. Just check out this article and relive the glory of yesteryear.

Magical Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Fact or Fictzione: White meat is greater than or equal to Dark Meat on the Turk.

Mo: Fiction, bombeclod mon, the dark meat is so much juicer, tender and delicious than the dry white meat which taste like grass turf.

J-Pac: Fiction. Funk dat white meat, man. You HAVE to have gravy to make it palatable, whereas dark meat is great without the gravy. This one is a no brainer, dark meat hits it out of the stadium.

Fact or Fictzione: Part of you wishes that you could smoke that herbal ganja before Thanksgiving so it would be the best meal of your life.

Mo: True. Fact. And the parties attending my dinner would be Jim Fassel, Dennis Eckersly, Clarence Williams III (the guy who plays Sampson on Half Baked), Angela from the Xtreme Road Rules, and La Parka from WCW (wearing his wrestling outfit).

Jim: Fuck man, total Fact. I can’t even imagine the feast of epic proportions that would go down. Usually, I get so full because of all the different platters, but if I were going through a case of the munchies, I’d be ripping shit up on the dinner table. I would definitely get real perved out being high around my family though, definitely couldn’t handle that shit. I’d probably start talking to my dogs, Asia and Zeke, or even that weird picture of an Indian that my parents have hanging up.

Fact or Fictzione: Your thanksgiving meal looks like this.

MoDogg: Shit no. I need the little yellow seeds of life aka CORN. Another thing, I don’t eat those jelly circles. And usually our meals consist of like 4 or 5 courses. Starting off with antipasto, then soup, then a pasta of some sort, then the turkey boyyyy. Right by da beach.

Jim: Despite the lack of corn, I have to say Fact. I don’t know what planet your from Morano, probably one where ammonia flows in rivers instead of water, but pasta, soup and antipasto are never part of my Thanksgiving. If I wanted that stuff, I could have eaten it today at the pizzeria. This picture looks like one wholesome motherfucking Thanksgiving meal if you ask me. And those “jelly circles” you allude to? They’re called cranberry sauce, despite their lack of sauce form. Keep drinking the ammonia, buddy. But, I do have to agree with you, I don’t like those shits either.

Mo: Hey Jim, what do you think Sam Adams of the Buffalo Bills eats on Thanksgiving?

Jim: I’ll tell you what he eats Mike …



He eats bitches like Tom Brady up all day long… AIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!

Questions? Comments? Got a turkey bone to pick? Email Mike at yeahyeahyeaaah@yahoo.com and Jim at Y2JimProblem1@yahoo.com