Now I know what you’re all thinking. Where has Mr. Morano been since he’s written the hottest cartoon chick article that related to millions of people around the globe? Well Mean Gene, there’s only one word that will describe my recent activities. I was shopping.

No really, aside from hanging out with Rick “the Model” Martel, I’ve sent in an article about Top Television Themes that will hopefully be put up shortly. I’ve just decided to write an “intermediate” article if you will.

So spray on some “arrogance” and join me in a discussion, a tale, and a short story all rolled into one. A Halloween fruit roll-up if you will.

First off, I want to ask you readers, when was the last time you had a “smore?” Do it as a favor to you and me to light a few twigs on fire and roast a few of them up this Halloween. Halloween has got to be one of the best holidays whose name isn’t Christmas. I mean what else can a little kid ask for?

“You mean I get CANDY? AND I GET TO DRESS UP AS A NINJA TURTLE? HOLY SHIT!!”

Once I got my candy I was like the Wu-Tang Clan, I was nothing to be fucked with, let me tell you.

Now it is quite obvious why the day of Halloween itself rules, but the build-up to it is my favorite part about it. First things first. All of your favorite shows start to air special spooky Halloween episodes. Now get one thing straight I’m not talking about the namby pamby “Friends” or the new hit TV show “OC,” which is about ohh, I don’t know…crap? I’m talking about Halloween frights abound on “Growing Pains” and “Family Matters” to name a few. I mean that’s what it was all about.

I remember this one special episode of “Growing Pains” where they were all telling ghost stories to spook each other. Alan “Laying it on” Thicke told a story about how the whole neighborhood started to become zombies and they had some weird ass yellow twilight shit going on with their eyes. Carol Seaver came up with something stupid like she met a bum in a subway and then she started flying over the city, but much to her dismay her whole family was able to fly. Then her family told her that her story was shit and she wound up starring in 204325 lifetime movies.

Now “Captain” Kirk Cameron had the best story involving a hot ghost-lady friend he met at a graveyard. He didn’t know this but, GASP, she was a FUCKIN’ ghost. She took him to some shady-ass diner where all other deadbeats like Babe Ruth and Marilyn Monroe were.

Just a few short days ago we saw an episode of “Family Matters” where Urkel made a dummy that came to life. That wasn’t the best part though, oh no. The freaking bastard’s name was Stevil and his voice was like something only the devil could have created, and it was quite Hugh Morrus.

Oh, and I didn’t even mention the classic specials that come out once a year just for Halloween, most of which star Christopher Lloyd or Bette Midler as a witch.

I know it’s a shame that most of us cannot go trick or treating any longer, but in actuality something has taken it’s place. Instead of candy that makes you dandy, we go out to the bars, and get fucked up … IN COSTUMES! This makes it even more fun than usual. I don’t know about you, but I’ll trade in some candy for brew-ha-has any day of the week. Add into the mix that this year Halloween falls on a Sunday and you have FOOTBALL all day before getting fucked up at night.

I feel like the scene in Half Baked where Thurgood (Chappelle) signs for a pound of marijuana and he can’t believe it.

Okay, on to other things.

Girls in Halloween costumes = HOT 99 out of 100 times because it is such a great excuse to “dress down” if you wanna be polite about it. And I’m always down for a Halloween hummer in costume. I don’t care if that’s perve, I’m sure a lot of people are looking for action on the spookiest of all spooky days.

Did anyone ever go to “Fright Night” back in the day? Those cheesy ass Halloween carnival things where you’d go through scary shit laid out in a big field or a tent. Classic “Rat Cave,” would involve the employee’s of such fright night whacking you in the feet with a bunch of rolled up socks.

Also classic…houses that laid out their candy before hand because they didn’t want to be bothered and posted a “take one!” sign. If you didn’t take at least half the fucking bag, you were a fucking pussy, I got news for you.

We’ll that concludes my thoughts for the day, hopefully my television theme article will be up soon so look for that too.

One last thing, don’t eat candy with razor blades in it.

Questions, comments, or suggestions for any future articles you want to see? Can’t figure out what to be for Halloween? I’ll help you out at Yeahyeahyeaaah@yahoo.com