“So you’re the little lady who caused this big war?”
— Abraham Lincoln to Harriet Beecher Stowe, author of Uncle Tom’s Cabin

We’re only about a month and a half in, but 2006 is shaping up to be a year of surprises. Seattle is actually relevant as a pro sports town. The mid-term elections in November might be an accurate reflection of popular will. And the Muslim world is inflamed over a perceived Western insult towards their religion.

That last one isn’t new. But that the Europeans are catching all the flak is.

In September 2005, a Danish newspaper published a series of cartoons depicting the Muslim prophet Mohammed. Some were not flattering.

The offending cartoons in question. The second from the right in the first row features a bomb in Mohammed’s turban. The suicide bombers in the last cartoon in the first row are being told Heaven is out of virgins for them.

To a Westerner, these cartoons are rather innocuous. We’re used to everything being ridiculed, God included. To a Muslim, they’re blasphemous. Islam forbids any depiction of God or his prophets. Since September, the Danish government has entertained the protests of Muslim governments over these images.

But the imbroglio heated up the last week of January/first week of February this year. The images appeared in newspapers in France, Germany, Italy, Spain and the Netherlands. The Muslim world went, in two words, ape shit.

“Today’s protests came one day after masked Palestinians in the Gaza Strip fired weapons into the air as they surrounded an office of the European Union and a French cultural center,” the Los Angeles Times reported on Feb. 3. “Two Palestinian militant groups threatened to retaliate against the newspapers by kidnapping European citizens and targeting churches and European offices.”

To these Looney Tunes, these cartoons are as offensive as seeing a woman’s ankle.
No, no, knee.
They are as offensive as seeing a woman’s knee.
That’s serious.

Certainly one can be annoyed and register a complaint, like the president of Afghanistan did. True these are just cartoons, but whatever. Others were upset in 2002 when President Bush opened the Salt Lake City Winter Olympics by adding the words “on behalf of a proud, determined and grateful nation” when he declared the Games underway, breaking with tradition. The things we choose to care about can be strange indeed.

But there is a world of difference between giving a disapproving quote to an AP stringer and using physical violence to intercede against the free expression of ideas. To their eternal — and surprising — credit, numerous European news organizations published the cartoons as a big “Fuck you” to the pinheads rioting, which only exacerbated the situation.

“A real totalitarianism is at work in the world and wants to impose its views not only on Arab Muslims, but on the West. The same way that they veil women, Islamic radicals want to veil cartoons in the press," a Swiss cartoonist told the Times.

A revelation. I wonder how many times he (or more certainly his friends) sniggered when hearing President Bush or Don Rumsfeld remark along the same lines approximately 409,789 times since September 2001.

But, if after thousands of grisly deaths and countless threats over the last two decades, this cartoon kerfluffle is what shocks the Europeans out of their defensive crouches and into action, then great. Somebody should alter American Gothic and replace the male farmer with an image of Mohammed holding a Coke.

Maybe the resulting furor will shock the French into landing a division or two near Basra.

And the United States response? "Inciting religious or ethnic hatreds in this manner is not acceptable. We call for tolerance and respect for all communities and for their religious beliefs and practices," said State Department spokesman Justin Higgins. “We all fully recognize and respect freedom of the press and expression but it must be coupled with press responsibility.”

This would be a disappointing statement of weak-kneed appeasement, except nobody seriously considers Foggy Bottom an actual part of the government. They are the Sunni Triangle of the Bush Administration.

But sure, we all want press responsibility, but not in deference to Stone Age values antithetical to modernity.

“This is just a clear case of where people would find those offensive so we don’t see any particular reason to do it just for shock value,” said the foreign editor of the Washington Post when asked if his newspaper would publish the cartoons.

No, of course not. But heaven forefend publishing the images to send a message that defends the right of public dialogue unfettered by the ululated threats of decapitation for engaging in public dialogue.

The New York Times had no comment for the reporter. It’s nice to see them so concerned with press freedoms. They can endanger the national security of the United States by publishing our efforts to spy on America’s enemies, but they can’t be bothered to defend their right to publish material that reveals why America’s enemies are worth spying on in the first place.

On Jan. 29, the Washington Post published a cartoon by University at Buffalo alum and former Buffalo News cartoonist Tom Toles. The cartoon jabs at a remark by Rumsfeld using the visual image of a wounded soldier – a quadruple amputee. Toles’ cutesy style makes the image no less jarring and borderline tasteless.

The cartoon in question. It makes me sad he got his start at The Spectrum at UB.

This upset many at the Pentagon, especially the Joint Chiefs of Staff. In a rare move, all five chiefs co-authored a letter to the Post protesting the cartoon.

“While The Post and some of its readers may not agree with the war or its conduct, these men and women and their families are owed the decency of not having a cartoon make light of their tremendous physical sacrifices,” the chiefs wrote.

The letter contained respect and brevity. Notice what it did not contain – egg-throwing, rock hurling and newspaper burning.

In short, it was civilized.

The men and women under the Joint Chiefs’ command rouse themselves on a daily basis to defend what makes us civilized.

Would some of those beneficiaries of their service do the same?

Questions? Comments? Blasphemer? E-mail me at mlucinski@yahoo.com

Michael Lucinski lives, loves and works in the Washington, D.C. area. He’s a graduate of the University at Buffalo and the George Washington University. This is giving me a headache.