“You were my brother!”
-- Obi-Wan Kenobi to Anankin Skywalker on Mustafar

I began writing this article the day after seeing “Revenge of the Sith” at 12:01 a.m. on May 19.
Then I saw the film again with a co-worker.
Afterwards, I tore up that first article and started again.

This is what parents must feel when they are profoundly disappointed in their children. Too disheartened for anger. Too saddened for yelling. And too addled because what happened shook previously held convictions in the good judgment of their children.

The acting was better. There was only one cringe-worthy scene between Anakin (Hayden Christensen) and Padme (Natalie Portman). The reunion between them was heartfelt and touching in their first scene. Ewan McGregor really tries to be Obi-Wan Kenobi and does a decent job. Ian McDiarmid is overall terrific as Palpatine. Samuel L. Jackson (Mace Windu) is a plank of wood with a light saber, but what did one expect based on the Episodes I and II?

The film had three excellent moments:
One -- Obi-Wan and Anakin race across the bow of the Star Destroyer and bank down to reveal the attack against Coruscant taking place under the ship. It’s a moment of grace and serenity; a brief respite from war before plunging headfirst back into the conflict.

Two -- Windu tells Anakin to wait in the Council chamber as the Jedi head to arrest Palpatine. He stares across the city at sunset towards his wife as she stares across the city towards her husband. The score rumbles low with melodic chanting. Anakin is torn. Padme is worried. The audience is awed.

Three -- A burnt Anakin lies on his back, screaming in pain as the Emperor’s robots graft metallic limbs to his stumps. He looks up to see the mask of Vader coming down on his face. The eyes holes flicker alive, revealing the red hue through which he’ll see the world until his death. The mask fits into place. The helmet slides on (using the same sound effect from “The Empire Strikes Back”). One beat. Two beats.

And then he breathes…

There are other good moments in the film: the initial flight towards Grievious’ ship, Palpatine’s opera house seduction, Anakin and Obi-Wan’s argument before their duel, Anakin’s immolation complete with blood-red eyes (“I HATE YOU!” he bellows at Obi-Wan), when Yoda flings aside the Emperor’s Royal Guard. These moments keep alive the flickering hopes that somewhere, underneath all that flannel, the George Lucas of “American Graffiti” and “A New Hope” is still with us.

The rest of the film makes you think he’s gone forever.

In retrospect, this was the easiest of the three prequels. The audience was primed for an emotional roller coaster, mostly in the down direction. The Jedi will die. The Republic will pervert into the Empire. Anakin will fall, long and hard. We knew we were supposed to be concerned, upset, even saddened.

Too bad Lucas didn’t tell his characters that too.

The Jedi were a millennia-old police force, guardians of peace and justice. They utilized violence only as a last resort. They rejected anger and aggression. Their weapon of choice was a defensive one. If such a cadre existed on Earth, the dark forces of our world would be in permanent retreat.

Their eradication should be epic and tragic. It should be a battle that shakes the earth and unnerves Heaven itself.

Instead, it occurs primarily off camera at the Jedi Temple. The montage of Jedi slaughter was interesting, but too limited.

(Please note this is not a criticism for failing to show Anakin slaughtering the Jedi children. That would be too gruesome and provocative, for no reason except to be provocative. Lucas was right to let us imagine the violence.)

And how do Obi-Wan and Yoda react to the murder of their friends, those they could best call family? They really don’t seem to notice. They were too busy reaching the seventh of nine plots needed to set things up for the beginning of “A New Hope.” Notice how both Jedi weren’t really upset about spending the next 20 years on shit hole planets.

The great failing of this film is the lack of pauses to let the emotion of the events sink in. The characters pinball through everything too quickly, which means the audience pinballs through everything too quickly.

Padme laments Palpatine’s declaration of Empire, but I’m sure some Republicans reacted the same way to the 2003 Medicare prescription drug benefit bill. This is end of democracy. Where are the worried crowds watching this across the galaxy? Where is the montage of Clone Troopers pushing people around, acting like jack-booted thugs? Where is the moment we care what is happening to these people in that galaxy far, far away?

The only reason we’d care if Empire declared is this: because the Empire is in power at the beginning of “A New Hope.” It’s has to happen, therefore it does. It satisfies the necessary plot point development, but has no emotional resonance.

Lucas thinks BIG+LOUD=EPIC. He seems not to comprehend that epic can include computer-generated chicanery, but cannot be legitimate without genuine emotion in the script and conveyed by the actors. The second and third Matrix films lack that emotion. The prequel trilogy lacks that emotion. The Lord of the Rings trilogy contains that emotion.

Number of Best Picture nominations for the two Matrix movies and the prequels: zero.
Number of Best Picture nominations for the Lord of the Rings Trilogy: three (with one win for “Return of the King.”)

An example from “Sith”: The Jedi have been slaughtered. Bail Organa (Jimmy Smits) fled Coruscant after witnessing the massacre, hoping to save surviving Jedi. He picks up Yoda (off camera) and intercepts a fleeing Obi-Wan.

As Obi-Wan (who narrowly escaped the purge himself) docks with Organa’s ship, the John Williams score swells to a triumphant crescendo that sounds as if to herald a glorious victory.

Excuse me? Are you kidding? The Jedi received the worst ass-whupping since the San Diego in Super Bowl XXIX. The guardians of peace and justice for the galaxy are no more. But the music is the same for every time Padme’s ship lands on Naboo or a camel farting at a Pod race on Tatooine.

This film needed at least three more graceful moments like the ones I described at the beginning of this article. Also, Anakin as Vader for more than two scenes and four lines of dialogue was a dashed hope. I also need more cowbell, but one thing at a time.

Of course there are other problems with the film (poorly defined villains, over reliance on CGI for everything, villains also used for comedic effect). The most grievous mistake plot-wise is Lucas’ maddening inability to make everything copasetic with the other movies. Never mind the maddening plot holes from the other prequels (R2’s boot jets, “Master Sifo-Dyas,” losing ability to sense the Force, etc.), the simplest things don’t jive from the original trilogy. (See here for the complete list.)

· Leia shares memories with Luke of their mother.
Leia says she remembers her mother as beautiful, kind and sad. How is that possible if Padme died two minutes after Leia’s birth? “The Force,” I guess. Bleh.

· Yoda tells Obi-Wan the dead Qui-Gon Jinn somehow communicated with him to impart some undefined secrets about the nature of the Force.
This scene, in the last five minutes of the film, has all the feel of Lucas completing the script and the Lucasfilm intern noticing something on the last day of shooting. “Hey George,” Mortimer Nerdlinger asked. “How come script doesn’t explain why Obi-Wan and Yoda disappear when they die, unlike the other Jedi?”

“Fuck,” replied Lucas.

A scene best left on the cutting room floor in lieu of a better scene explaining one of the coolest mysteries of the original trilogy.

· Organa tells Captain Antilles to wipe C-3PO’s memory clean. Only C-3PO’s memory.
Merciful crap, was this a big mistake. Who in holy hell is the Lucasfilm fact checker? So they make Threepio forget. Fine and good. But what about THIS GUY:

Sure, he doesn’t speak English. But Threepio does. And who understands R2? Threepio. Wouldn’t R2 beep and whistle at some point, “Man, this reminds of the time I was flying around with Luke’s dad in the Clone Wars. Or that time when I saved Leia’s mother’s ship from the Trade Federation.”

I guess not.

Unfortunately, there is unlikely to be any reckoning of these inconsistencies, unless Lucas releases the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy Special Edition.

Coming to a theater near you.

May 19, 2019.

Questions? Comments? Spare flannel? E-mail me at mlucinski@yahoo.com

Michael Lucinski works for a non-profit organization in Washington, D.C. He received a B.A. in Political Science from the University at Buffalo, where he was also an editor and columnist for the student newspaper, The Spectrum. He also writes reviews for Silver Bullet Comic Books.He now knows you cannot go home again.