Just recently I noticed that people suck.

Seriously.

Even though I usually give people the benefit of the doubt at first, and see most of them as all around good people, for one reason or another, almost every person I come across manages to annoy the hell out of me, and makes me hate them. And I’m not even kidding, Hell, I only wish I was kidding.

I seriously hate 99 percent of the people I come across in daily life.

When I realized this staggering number, a few things crossed my mind. First I thought something might be wrong with me to think so many people suck. However, after about two seconds of that thought process I realized that’s impossible, as I am as damn near as close to a perfect Greek God as possible, so it can’t be my fault. Next I found myself wondering what it is about these people that make them so annoying and easy to hate.

Seriously, what is it about them that is so damn annoying? Is it personality traits? Is it how they act, or what they say? Is it the fact that they aren’t my mirror or me? I wanted to know. With this question in mind, I did some searching. I started to analyze and criticize every person I came across, looking for the definitive reason why I would eventually come to hating them.

And boy did I discover some interesting reasons. Be prepared for a rant.

I’m not quite sure where to start. No wait, yes I do. I can’t stand when idiots that don’t walk on escalators. What the fuck, do you think this is some kind of carnival ride asshole? Why don’t you put your hands up like those other retards on real rides and get some real excitement? This isn’t Six Flags dick, move your ass.

And what’s even worse is when I catch up to those Neo-Nazi non escalator walkers, and they still don’t start walking, or even let you pass, they just look at you and still wait out this ‘ride.’ Maybe they just don’t want to get short changed on this carnival ride of ecstasy, or maybe they are just lazy assholes. What, you can’t take steps in a forward motion? It’s lazy people like you that are the reasons that America is so damn fat. You are detrimental to society and you are slowing me down; get the hell out of my way before I push you down the escalator in hopes that your spine snaps in two.

I can almost guarantee those people are the same tools that are slow walkers. God I hate getting stuck behind them. Are these people idiots or just possessed by a retarded ghost? Again, all the do is slow you down, inevitably making you late, and you have to actively try to not step on the back of their feet or deliberately trampling their skull.

What the crap is that? I’m friggin’ walking, I don’t want to actively do anything, I just want to get where I am going, yet these dicks are screwing with my head and my walking pace.

And of course it’s these types of people that travel in packs of seven and sway back and forth when they walk, so they are more impossible to pass that an Arab going through the metal detector at the airport. Then of course they always manage to stop walking, or all of a sudden turn around right into you, colliding with you. What’s that all about? You assholes are just the total package of stupidity aren’t you? Quit draggin’ ass shitheads before I have to break both your ankles with a sledgehammer. Let’s see you walk then slapnuts.

You know what else is really friggin’ annoying? The pathetic morons that go to horrible movies, but justify it because there’s a hot girl in the movie, and similarly the ones that listen to music that sucks but justify it because the singer is hot.

News Flash idiot, that doesn’t make it ok and you are seriously pathetic. A hot girl cannot make a movie or music good. You are a disgrace to deaf and blind people everywhere. I have no respect for you whatsoever, and you guys are hopelessly in need of some ass. You want to see a hot girl, watch some porn. I can’t deal with pathetic people. It might be contagious. Stay away from me, you hopeless piece of monkey spunk. Come near me and I’ll rip out one of your lungs and feed it to my friend’s dog.

I’ll bet my bottom dollar those guys are friends with those douchebags that claim, “I don’t watch TV”. What the hell is that all about? Am I supposed to be impressed? Are you seriously bragging about not watching TV you fool? Well I fry my brain watching TV maybe a few hours a day, does that make you any better than me you condescending prick? You guys think you are so cool, but you know what, you impress me just about as much as guys who don’t like sports.

I have no respect for these two types of people and really don’t understand them. You people make no sense at all, and obviously have no soul. Liking sports and watching TV is like liking sex. It’s just a way of life, and anything else is just wrong. You peons that don’t like sports or TV are just little boys amongst real men that are destined for a life of insecurity and suicide. Both of you types of people needs to take your dick out from between your legs, pick up the remote and turn on ESPN, maybe there is still time to save you.

While I am on the subject of sports, I cannot stand Bandwagon fans. Every year, all of a sudden each sports newest champions have new fans from all across America, acting like they were fans all along. Where were all of these Patriot fans when they were just another team several years ago? And now a sudden upswing of Miami Heat and Red Sox fans? I bet you are the same people that liked the Bulls, the Cowboys, and the Lakers for all those years.

You people are a disgrace to sports and I have absolutely no respect for you at all. Who are you going to like next year? The Pistons? The White Sox? The Steelers? You people have no heart. Any person who can jump from team to team just to ride the high road I do not trust, and I despise your fake ass, well unless they are a Raiders or Pacers fan of course. Only then are you a real sports fan, as I can’t imagine anyone not being a Raiders or Pacers fan. Just doesn’t make sense to me.

Metrosexuals are like the ingrown toenail of society. Extremely annoying and impossible to ignore. How the hell can you do that to yourself? You actually take that long to get ready? I hate waiting for girls to get ready, and now I have to wait for your suck ass to gel your hair up ever so perfectly and pluck your eyebrows? I think not. At least girls are something to look at. Fuck you and your pink popped collar, you closet case.

And I swear to God, the next guy I see that has only the front of his shirt tucked in so that he can display is nifty little belt buckle I am going to rip it off of him and shove it down his throat sideways. You guys make me sicker than shots of Jack Daniels. Don’t you all realize that everyone besides your own kind think you are scum and hates you?

No?

Well you think about it next time you are tanning or getting a cliché tribal tattoo on your arm.

But I’ll give metrosexuals one thing, at least they don’t smell. I can’t stand people like this for obvious reasons. Don’t they realize that they smell? Come on now, these people obviously smell like the inside of asshole, how can they not realize this and take a shower? You’re disgusting man, bathe your swampy ass!

And their friends piss me off even more that morons that ask if I know what the time is when I am obviously wearing a watch (just ask me what time it is dick). How can you not tell your friend that he smells? I know you can smell him too; it’s not just the rest of the world besides you two shmucks that have a sense of smell. Do your friend a favor man and tell him, trust me he will thank you.

I would rather hang out with a person with crabs than a person who smells. I want nothing to do with people who smell. Do not come within odor reaching distance from me for the sake of my nose and me. Consider this your warning, next time I may be forced to make you shove your nose in my asshole so that you can understand what I am going through having you around me. An eye for an eye you raunchy body odor smelling son of a bitch.

And oh my God I want to rip out anyone’s throat that snores. You people serve no purpose in life beyond piercing my brain with your mind numbing abortion of a noise. Any similarities between you and people who actually serve a purpose in this world is purely coincidental. You may be one of the most useless and annoying people in the history of useless and annoying people. You are more annoying than Richard Simmons and those sketchy bastards that always call your parents around dinnertime trying to get you to buy something stupid combined.

If you people never existed my life would be so much better. You keep me up at night, fucking up my sleeping pattern, and you drill a whole in my brain, when most of the time all you have to do is close your mouth or roll over. You are a piece of shit and I hope you die an ironic and premature death of ear cancer.

And lets not forget obnoxious homos who talk on their cell phone so loud that people across town can hear what they are talking about. These idiots talk like they are in a crowded bar where they have to yell over the soothing sounds of the Electric Slide blaring over the loud speakers.

What are you, tone deaf? Don’t you realize how loud and annoying you are, and that the people in the same room as you are getting tortured almost as worse as the person you are talking to? Try using the 6-inch voice idea you were taught in kindergarten, you moron. Even five year olds know not to talk that loud, yet you can’t do it? I’d rather watch Alf on Telemundo than have to listen to your damn loud voice any longer. Please shut the fuck up you retched, obnoxious, human megaphone.

Speaking of Telemundo, you loud cell phone talkers are only slightly better than Americans who cant speak English. First things first, I’m all for people coming to, and living in America, as it is the land of opportunity, but seriously now, what the Hell is that all about? You live in America, yet you cant speak English? There’s no opportunity there.

And what’s worse is half of them don’t even try to speak English. There’s and old saying, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. How the Hell do you plan on surviving in a society that is based around communication exchanges? There’s only so many Taco Bells and Bodegas you can work at. Learn English jabroni, it’s essential to survive in America. Without it, you are more handicapped then the retards that drool all over themselves and eat their own shit. At least they can speak English. Wake up and smell the American lifestyle Hombre.

And then you have the audacity to teach your children your foreign language before you teach them English? Are you purposefully setting your children up for a life of education deficits worse than Corky form Life Goes On? You might as well just feed him lead paint chips and live near a power plant, that might do just as much brain damage to your kid living in an area that speaks a language that sounds like gibberish to him. Get a clue moron; you are only screwing yourself and your children.

Actually you are also screwing me not only do I have to listen to your senseless jibba jabba, but I also have to listen to the upcoming years of your children’s foreign nonsense, all of which I think is making me stupider because of it. Please do us all a favor, including yourself, learn English. We don’t mind you living in America, but at least just learn the native tongue. You will be happier and more successful because of it. But until then, you make me want to force-feed you a copy of a Webster’s dictionary. Bon Appetite bitch.

Moving on, what the Hell is the deal with one-uppers? You know, the people that no matter what cool story you tell or thing you do, they are always there to tell a story better or do something cooler. I could say that I had a threesome last night, and then this dick would come along and say ‘that’s nothing, a few months ago I has a threesome with Spanish lesbian twins who let me put it in both their ass’s as they called me Senior Papi’.

Quit stealing my thunder cuntface. I have a good story to tell, and I don’t want some punk like you stepping in leaving me with story telling blue balls. Go tell your story to someone who cares bitch, before you give me a story to tell about me whipping your ass with a roll of quarters in a sock.

I bet you fucksticks are the same people who are shady and two faced as hell. You’ll be nice to people to their faces, but as soon as their backs are turned, you talk more shit than ever thought possible. You people are low as hell. Why not just be dicks to people’s faces? At least then I would respect you more as a person who doesn’t give a shit and just calls it how he sees it. If you have something to say, be a real man and say it to someone’s face you clown. Or how about next time your back it turned I give you a roundhouse kick to the back of your neck? Lets see how much shit you talk when your sporting a neck brace. You may be the type of person I hate more than anything.

No wait, I lied. People who try to push their beliefs on me should all be sent to an island and that island should be blown up. I don’t give two shits what you believe in, I will believe in what I want to believe in, and nothing you can do will change that. I don’t care what statistics you have, what pictures you show me, or how many pamphlets you try to throw at me, you will not change my mind.

You may have a better chance of getting me to admit I once masturbated while my cat watched than getting me to listen to you. I am a non-religious, pro-choice, meat eating, Conservative Democrat who opposes the wars in the Middle East. So fuck you and your preaching. I don’t want to hear it, you are only testing my limits and making me want to curb kick your ass into whatever afterlife you ignorantly believe in.

I think the worst kinds of these preaching people are the hardcore feminists. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to those women who fight for equal treatment for women, as they deserve it. I am talking about the dyke whores who are convinced men are the new age antichrist and are holding down the female gender. What the hell is your problem? You hussies seriously need a reality check as men are not that bad. If you spent nearly as much time working and giving yourself as much education and experience as all these men you are bitching about, you actually wouldn’t have anything to bitch about, so shut the Hell up.

Now shave your legs, put on some makeup, throw an apron on and get your ass in the kitchen and make me a sandwich woman.

Let’s not pass over the useless, lazy bitches that can’t clean up after themselves. These are the cumdumpsters who leave their messes everywhere, don’t pick up their messes, and inevitably piss everyone else off because of their laziness.

Why the hell cant you just pick up after yourself, what is so hard about it? Take one hand, pick it up, take four steps towards the garbage or sink, and throw it away or wash it. It’s not rocket science here. Have some respect for the people around you who have to live in YOUR filth. I would call you people inconsiderate, but then that would be an insult to actual inconsiderate people. At least try and be a little considerate and take care of your mess dumpy, before I have to consider washing the dishes with your toothbrush. And while I’m on it, quit leaving the TV on, refill the toilet roll, unload the dishwasher, and do the girls a favor and put the damn toilet seat down.

Last but certainly not least by any means, I hate fat chicks that try and dress ‘sexy.’ And yes, I use the word sexy as loosely as the layers a blubber than hang off their fat asses. This is nothing more grotesque than seeing a 400-lb behemoth walking around in provocative clothing thinking that even though you’re big doesn’t mean you can’t be sexy.

The Hell it doesn’t!!!

You girls are nasty as hell and a massacre for my eyes. You girls try to stuff as many orifices into a tube top as possible leaving your crater of a belly button exposed and your back fat showing, and you think that is sexy? Well let me tell you, that tube top you think is sexy looks more like a garbage bag filled with pancake batter. You think I like looking at that? Your obese nasty ass is a walking vasectomy as you make me never want to have sex again, let alone make me unable to ever get it up again. And please, don’t try to make up for being terrorism for my soul by being a slut. You girls suck miles of dick, but you know what? You still suck at life. You are a nasty eyesore. Do us all a favor, go eat your last meal at McDonalds and then put a bullet in your head. That’s if there isn’t inches of fat up there too to stop the bullet.

Wow. I feel much better getting that off my chest. I apologize for that being more like a rant than anything else, but it had to be said.

These types of people are some of the most annoying people in the world. It is for these reasons that I hate almost everyone I come across. I’m sure almost everyone fits into one of these categories.

Hell, I’m sure I even fall into one of these categories. But that’s a story for another day.

And this is only the tip of the iceberg. I’m sure tomorrow I will come across a dozen more reasons why I hate random people. But for now this is enough, maybe I’ll have some more for another day.

But read this list carefully, and think about it. If you fit into any of these categories, listen to me carefully.

YOU SUCK.

You are annoying as hell, and people want to eat your heart and get rid of your suck ass forever. You know who you are.

Go Kill yourself. The world will be a better place because of it.

Questions? Comments? ¿Quiere usted Mirar Alf en Telemundo? If so, email me at ikartz11@yahoo.com.