Now when it comes to hookups, every man has their goals they fantasize about and wish to one day accomplish. Some guys would even go as far to sacrifice three toes to do it. I’m talking such things like pile driving a foreigner that speaks no English, having sex with lesbian twins, or hooking up with that celebrity that makes you drool every time you see her on TV.

But, one that sticks out in every man’s mind in hooking up with a MILF.

Unless you’re a complete idiot, or was a tool and never saw American Pie, everyone knows that MILF stands for “Mother I’d Like to Fuck.”

This is truly a trophy experience every man dreams about. A nice, experienced hot older lady willing to let you run your train on her. Ahhhh, what a privilege. This is every man’s fantasy, no matter what he says. If he says it’s not, he’s lying and probably gets his jollies from masturbating way too much. Every guy dreams about it. Every guy wants it.

And while we are on the subject of hook-ups guys dream about, let us not forget about the famed “sex on the job” experience. I’m talking on the clock, getting paid while you’re getting your balls licked. This has the danger of getting caught, added with the pleasure of a strange, different atmosphere. And what’s better than doing it with a girl you’ve been eyeing at work for god knows how long, finally getting to rough her up in the break room? I can’t think of anything.

But wait a second; wouldn’t it be even better if these two miracles to mankind could happen at one time? Seemingly killing two fantasy birds with one stone? Sounds impossible, right?

Well, you are probably right, because, unfortunately, these hookups are few and far between.

But, they can happen, so here’s an amazing story for you.

So, my friend works at Aldi’s, that ghetto-ass store where you have to bag your own shit, but sells stuff at prices even “DJB” (Dolphins Jacket Bum) the local University at Buffalo bum could afford. But anyways, there was this 34-year old that he worked with that he wanted for what seemed like three leap years. I mean every day he would tell me about her and how much he wanted her. But I just nodded my head as I never though it would come to anything. Yeah I was wrong.

And by the way, she had two kids and a boyfriend.

So it all started when they were working together on a random ass Tuesday night. Coincidently they were closing together, although my friend had no intentions of pursuing the dream.

They locked the doors and started to close up. All of a sudden the lights go out. Russ is sitting by himself in the office in the dark, wondering what the hell was going on. So he walks back to the circuit box to check the breakers. However, when he gets back there, there’s the MILF, looking at him with ‘the look.’

Now, every guy knows what ‘the look’ is. Every girl has two. The first one is when you just know they are pissed at you, but don’t say why, and you’re just supposed to know because guys are some kind of Mama Cleo psychic mind readers.

But, in this case it was the other look. You know, the one where the girl lowers her chin, looks up at you and makes eye contact that you know she wants to jump your bones. My friend was about to hit the jackpot. She walks up to him, and without saying a word, pushes him onto the stores hand jack, drops to her knees, and without saying a word drops his pants, and goes down on him under the red glow from the exit lights. He just sat back and enjoyed himself, got some head, and that was that. They closed the store, punched out, fixed the circuit breakers and went home. This MILF had just organized a friggin’ blackout.

But, wait a second. You must be asking, “isn’t this a MILF story?” Not a story about a Mother I’d like to Blow Me.

So a few weeks passed and the magical moment on the hand jack was never even discussed. Kind of like it never even happened. But my friend didn’t forget. Oh lordy no, he didn’t. Shit, he got a boner every time he walked by the damn hand jack.

A few months later they happened to be closing again together. This is where shit gets really interesting. They both knew what each other wanted, but no one had the balls to say it. Go figure, right? The girl that orchestrated a black out to blow a guy is shy. But anyways, they are in the break room when Russ comes up to her, picks her up and puts her on the break table. They both knew what was about to happen. However, she turns him down by saying “I cant, my boyfriend is outside in the car waiting for me with my kids to pick me up.” Thinking fast, Russ uses reverse psychology and says, “Fine, but it’s now or never.” That sold her. Right there on the fucking break table, my friend had sex with his co-worker MILF, like something straight out of a porn, not that I watch any of course.

He had her way with her, pulled up his pants and punched out. The best part being that she did the same, except she walked out to her boyfriend and kids like nothing had happened.

Now I’m obviously not condoning cheating here, and hell yeah that was fucked up of her, but good lord, what a story. Not only did my friend hook up with a MILF, and not only did he hook up while on duty at work, the bastard did it while her boyfriend and kids were waiting outside.

Classy lady, indeed.

I feel this story really is impossible to top. I think his sex life may have peaked out at 21. I’d say that sucks to be him since it can never be that high again, but shit who am I kidding. While you’re out this weekend, everyone raise your glass in toast to a true hero, who truly has the reason to call over the loudspeaker, “clean up on aisle 7.”

Questions? Comments? Want the name and number of this MILF? Email me at ikarts11@yahoo.com