AX: I’m sorry, but we just had to butt in here today …

SMASH: YEAH! There has been something that me—SMASH!—and AX have wanted to talk about for quite some time now!

AX: It’s not often that we—DEMOLITON—get to talk about things that don’t have to do with DEMOLISHING, SMASHING, AX-ING, or CRUSHI-

SMASH: Whoa there, Ax, I thought we agreed not talk about him anymore? Remember, that Demolition trio thing never happened.

AX: My bad, Repo—err, SMASH! I’ve taken one too many “fists from the top rope” by Marty Jannetty, so can you really blame me?

SMASH: It’s ok, but let’s get back to business.

AX: Oh yes, what me and the SMASHER came here to talk about today is something that we don’t often get to talk about …

SMASH: Yes, most people just know us for our exploits in the ring of the World Wrestling Federation, but in fact, we have many other hobbies outside of the wrestling arena.

AX: For example, I like to go sled riding on a nice, snowy January day.

SMASH: And something that I love to do is go to the local supermarket and smell all the different types of deodorant. I don’t know, this may seem weird, but I just LOVE THE SMELL OF DEODORANT! They always have sweet names too! Like Artic Breeze! Or, or, or Forest Gusto! Or …

AX: All right, well I think you get the point about Smash liking to smell deodorant … it makes sense when you think about it though. Think of all the brutish armpits we have had to smell in our lives. FUCK MAN, remember Wrestlemania VI? We had to fight Haku and Andre the Giant. Talk about the smelliest motherFUCKERS on the face of the planet!

SMASH: HAHAH! Andre definitely could have used some ALPINE MIST!

AX: LOL!

SMASH: Nice use of “LOL” Ax! In case you didn’t guess already, Ax and me also are big AOL users … nothing gets me like surfing the intercoastal highway!

AX: Whoa Smasher, we need to get on track … well, like we were saying before, Smash and I have many hobbies, but our favorite would have to be our love of dogs!

SMASH: You might be thinking that “loving dogs” isn’t really a hobby, but to us—DEMOLITION—it really is. It is our passion in life.

AX: Yeah, when WWF Wrestling Challenge went off the air on Sundays, it freed up a lot of time for me and the Smasher to go to the park to check out all the different kinds of canines there were out there.

SMASH: It’s pretty great … On your typical Sunday, me and Ax will wake up, read the morning papers, maybe watch a little VH1 …

AX: GOOD GOD I LOVE ANT! I MEAN REALLY, CAN ANYONE GET FUNNIER THAN THAT GUY?!?

SMASH: Like I was saying … we watch a little VH1, slip on our pseudo-S&M gear, throw on a baseball cap and head to the park.

AX: Once we are there … wait, wait, I just thought of a funny Ant joke! … not now, Ok, I’m sorry. Once we are there, we head to the park bench and just get ready for a day of watching los perros! That’s a little Espanol, FYI!

SMASH: Yes, we love watching all the different types of dogs go by, so what we decided we would do today is share some of our favorite snapshots we took of these dogs!

AX: Sound like fun?! I thought you would say YES! Now, let’s get it going!

SMASH: Ah, yes, one of my most favorites! I decided to take this snapshot because these two reminded me a bit of Jacob and Eli Blu, the tag team from the WWF in the mid-nineties.

AX: Yes, the Blu Brothers were a shitty tag team and these two liked to take shits! What a coincidence! Who would have thought?

SMASH: Did you just make a funny AX? I think you did! Master Fuji would be so proud! Moving on …

AX: Oh Jesus, remember this one Smasher? Let’s just say that Smash got a little excited when he was petting these two and tried to steal them and bring them back to our house. The owners of the dogs were none too pleased, needless to say …

SMASH: Yeah, my bad on that one … they served us up a one-year banishment from the park after that incident. This snapshot was taken as they were fleeing from the park in their truck … as you can see, the dog on the left is snarling at me. If I could get my hands on him now, I would SMASH his little ass!

AX: Ah yes! This is when Diamond Dallas Page came to visit us at our home! What a pleasant time that was! Well, until we brought up that whole incident where he was stalking the Undertaker’s wife … he didn’t like that so much!

SMASH: I bet he would have been even more pissed if we told him that we double-teamed his wife Kimberly … while Master Fuji taped it!

AX: Yeah, I think you could say that! Bwahahahahahha!

SMASH: BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!

AX: BWAHAHAHHAHA!!!

SMASH: I am only showing you guys this photo to tell you how much of a smarmy douchebag this guy was … man, what a pompous douche.

AX: And look at his goofy dogs! They look exactly like him!

SMASH: Actually Ax, there have been a lot of studies done proving that as you and your dog grow older, you start to look like one another.

AX: No WAY! In that case, I bet that Sensational Sherri’s dog is one heck of a brute!

SMASH: You my friend, are on fucking FIRE today! En fuego!

AX: Look at you dropping the Espanol now!

SMASH: IT’S A CAGE FIGHT! NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE!

AX: LOL SMASH!, You are just too funny!

AX: This guy was a cute little feller!

SMASH: Yes, he was very friendly, came right up to us and liked smelling our leather outfits. You have to love dogs that are so nice like that.

AX: I agree, nothing beats a friendly dog. You see, this is why I like dogs better than cats. Cats are just so skittish … whenever I go over the Warlord’s house—he has three cats—all of his felines run away and hide under the bed! I hate that! I always have to go looking under the bed to find them, giving them the “here, kitty, kitty, kitty!” routine! With dogs, they always come up to and are the first to say, “hello, how are you doing!” Well, they don’t actually say that, but you get my point.

SMASH: Yes, a wag of the tail, sniff of the crotch, and lick of the leg goes a long way!

AX: LOL!

AX: Shit, this dog is the reason we don’t wear face paint to the park anymore.

SMASH: Oh god, how could I forget? This little fucker nearly took my penis right off! I guess he has a thing about face paint? Who would have thought?

AX: I’ve heard of stranger things than dogs fearing face paint, so don’t feel so bad. My Grandparents dog was actually afraid of flannel! Now, that is fucking nuts!

SMASH: I guess he wasn’t a fan of Al Borlin!

AX: If I could make that Tim Allen “oooh, oooh, ooh” noise I would do it right now.

SMASH: Yeah, you have never been very good at that, have you?

AX: Nah …

SMASH: I could play fetch with a dog all day long …

AX: Me too brother, me too …

SMASH: It’s the simple pleasures in life, you know?

AX: Amen … A-fucking-men …

AX: This was actually from Crush’s collection of dog pictures …

SMASH: God … what a flamer!

SMASH: Yes, those are PRAIRIE DOGS … just fucking weird if you ask me …

AX: True dat!

SMASH: You’re so ghetto Ax!

AX: Werd!

SMASH: LOL!

AX: Awwwwwwwwww!

SMASH: How cute! I just want to eat dem up with a little spoon!

AX: Puppies just kill me man … they fucking KILL ME!

SMASH: Well, we have an important meeting with Master Fuji in a few minutes, so we are going to have to wrap up our little show here!

AX: We hope you enjoyed it, I know me and the Smasher had a great time letting all of you readers out there get acquainted with the softer side of the Demos.

SMASH: Until next time, arrivederci!

AX: Peace out, cub scouts!

Questions or comments? E-mail Ax and Smash at Y2JimProblem1@yahoo.com