Heidi-ho boys and gals, it is your pal Falcor here for another great story. I bet you’re wondering just what old Falcor has in store for his buddies this week. Well, I will tell you, silly, silly creatures of planet Earth.

Since I did so well on my blind date, MTV was impressed and kidnapped my white furry ass. I had no idea what it was supposed to be at first, but then they told me I was going to be on a show called “Room Raiders,” where a hot young slut with budding b-b-breasts was going to check out my humble abode.

Before I start on telling you about that comical escapade, I just want to tell you that if I hear “When September Ends” by Green Day on the radio one more time, I might fly myself right into the fucking ground killing myself and whoever is riding me. Falcor doesn’t get that many radio stations except top 40 hits and it drives him crazy like Melissa Joan Hart.

Sorry kiddo, but September ended two months ago, fuckshitfuckshitfuck we’re going down buddy, whoaaaaaaa

So back to the show sonny boy … as me, Clifford the Big Red Dog, and some other putz were loaded into some van to watch the chickadee we were competing for. I knew Clifford from back in the days at Obedience School so we started chatting it up right away, and I actually found out Clifford has a screen name on AIM so now I can talk to him on there! Sweet, Sweet!

That short-fro’ed dude had much smaller hands compared to mine and Clifford’s

So we met the girl whose name was Vilma, and damn was she smoking hot. My ears perched upwards at the site of her on our monitor. Sorry Cliff, no friends only foes on this bus from here on out; I’m gonna take her to my shaggin’ wagon. The idea of the show is for the girl to choose one of us that are in the bus by looking at our rooms and that’s it. It’s what you call BOGUS. It’s the most bogus act that MTV has ever pulled. My room is pimped though, so no doubt she was gonna choose Whitey AKA yours truly.

Like the Samuel Jackson Beer skit boys and girls… MMM-MMM BITCH!

Ok, so she checked the room of Mr. Happy and “normal” first, and needless to say she wasn’t pleased one bit (NTP’d – None too pleased. Falcor’s new phrase of the day; thanks wheel of fortune!) What happened was, he had cum stains on his pillow. If you want to know what cum is boys and girls, it is actually curdled pee I kid you not. In any case she was grossed the fuck out and ran out of there much to the chagrin of the normal kid.

Next she checked out Clifford’s wild and wacky room of fun. It wasn’t what I expected at all, seeing how it wasn’t red, but what am I gonna do. What really tripped me and the girl out was that there was a giant kid holding up the ceiling. “How are we supposed to bump uglies with this big baby watching over us?” said Vilma.

“But we can play checkers on my floor darling,” said Clifford the Big Red Snausage Eating Bastard

It appeared that I had it all in the bag, but she wanted to check my room out anyway seeing as how she was already more wierded out then Marcia Brady when Greg wanted to bone her.

A-Hyup, Falky Fartokomos likes his little introduction yup.

As soon as she entered my room it was as if Etta James’ “At Last” started playing as she was waltzing around the room like fucking Cinderella and the sevem dwarfs. She even liked the statue I had of myself made of sandstone put up in the corner of my room. In fact, she climbed up on the “jungle of love” AKA my bed, and motioned to the camera with her finger in a come hither motion. So, I bounced out of the van, and flew over to this honey, and literally swept her off her feet. Falcor is one pimp daddy who will mack game to you if you don’t watch yourself. That was the lesson that Vilma certainly learned, but she enjoyed herself thoroughly.

Vilma’s been to Coney Island, and it was everything it ever was…and MORE. But she liked my sweet digs better of course HI-HO!

If you want to say “You’re the man now dog” to Falcor and literally mean it, then email him at zubazfiles@yahoo.com. Cue the music from “America’s Funniest Home Video” when they are choosing the three final videos at the end.