Helloooooo boys and girls, it’s your dear old pally Falcor from The Never Ending Story. In order to keep with the changing times, Falcor has donned a pair of zubaz pants and officially changed his name to F. Diddy.

Of course I am kidding you silly buckos, I wouldn’t want to be associated with some fucking douchebag after all.

Now before I take you on a magical tale, (HEY I HAVE A TAIL, YIPEE!!) I have to smoke a fucking blunt to ease my soul because kids now a days want to ride me and hold my ears and, and, and … I HATE THAT SHIT. Sorry I stutter, stutter sometimes like Joe featuring Mystikal in real life.

Ahh, now that my mind is at ease, I can tell you of a journey that I had to get to the top of mount puss-a-laya. Yeah, you heard me correctly little buddies, I needed some ass, some booty, bo-boo-boo-booty. Falcore likes them big old butties, those fat coolies, those bodacious behinds.

Alas, I had to go on a dating show because no normal beautiful flower petal of a girl is going to want to date a 10 foot dog with real big nostrils, no siree.

I can fit the Olsen twins in my nostrils they’re so fucking big.

I heard about this show hosted by my life long idol Roger Lodge called, Blind Date. As soon as I heard these words I went to the local information shop or as you humans like to call it, LIBRARIES.

Here is the wonder of my being, my own library card for Falcor the dog! Oh how sweet the land is when your not flying J.

Well boys and girls … and hot girls too, which actually are a new species of girl. I bet you didn’t know that children. I took out a book upon my library trip on shrooms; yes Falcor must have been shrooming when his dating book looked like this in his big juicy brown eyes.

My blind date might have bigger nostrils than me!?!?

I read the R.L. Stine masterpiece in order to understand how to behave properly in front of my dream gal. I flew to the studio because I am a flying dog, not like those other pussies that can’t flap their giant ears because they’re like dog ears. Roger Lodge, host of Blind Date, was waiting for me as I arrived and then they interviewed me. Some of the questions were inquiring about my sexual preferences. So, I told them my favorite sexual position was “Falcor-Style,” or doggie style, get IT? Wink, Wink, LOL!

Thanks for the intro Rodge!

So I arrived at my date’s house in the Blind Date mobile pumping Bobby Brown’s “On Our Own,” from the Ghostbusters II Soundtrack. They lent me this pink polo shirt with its collar popped up because I’m a fucking pimp daddy, or that’s what Rodge said I was.

From the instant I saw her it was puppy love at first site, of which I ask can you dig it homeboys and homettes? The look in Isabelle’s face was like she wanted to shove her fist up my enormous nose hole and be happy about it. Here’s a look from television world at our date-e-o.

After a nice time bungee jumping with Isabelle she wanted to hit the club to bust-a-move on Falcor. I impressed her with my line, “You know the Falcons Football Team, Yeah the logo is inspired by their old friend Falcor.” Yeah, she started grinding my junk on the dance floor after she heard that, she wanted to bed an acting superstar. Who wouldn’t after looking at the credits for A Never Ending Story and seeing Falcor…as HIMSELF.

Me, sweating cats and cats because the sun was so damn close that day.

After the club was the after party. After the party was the god damn hotel lobby because we had inty-course and liked it. I treated her like a queen kids, that’s what you got to do if you want to get lei-ed like a Hawaiian prince, or the prince AND the pauper.

Owwwww-oooooooooooooooooh!

I’m out for now kiddies, but remember, if you see any naked boobies and your parents are around, cover your eyes!!! See you next time when I do something more outrageous then bang some fly hunny and fly places.

Didn’t want this story to end? Well this time it has to. If you enjoyed this tale from the crypt featuring my boy crypt keeper in a tux, then we are glad to brighten your day.

Until next time pals, keep it real, while keeping it safe! Email me at Yeahyeahyeaaah@yahoo.com, or at zubazfiles@yahoo.com. Also you can be Falcore’s friend on “my space” and leave a comment on the zubazpants.com page on there at MySpace.