The Many Moods of Matsui

By Isaac Kasikov on 10-13-05




Alright, this article is about Hideki Matsui. The man, the myth, the god damn silent genius.

WHAT DOES HE SAY!?

I searched the Internet for some real live Matsui quotes. I found only ONE that was worth using and I ran with it.

"I really enjoy my privacy and don't have the desire to marry now. Maybe, I'm just not that popular with the ladies"
- Hideki Matsui

That's perve in my book, so for the rest of the article I turned Matsui into a sexual pillar and an all around outlandish pervert crossing every single boundary known to human kind. I have given Hideki the personality that would make him the King of New York (Christopher Walken status). He might agree with me, he might not, but he would have to chuckle...right?

On a side note, read this article with the accent that this man uses. It will make it much more enjoyable...weed could also enhance the experience.



Read the following in my voice, Daniel-San.




”Yes, slimy Americans, I laugh, I joke, I field. My hair … it god damn perfect, like song Werewolves of London. I am werewolf. HAHAHA. You make funny with Godzilla name, I no appreciate being linked to giant lizard that pillage homeland. I have four freckles on face, my father had trace of Irish fire clinging to tail of sperm. I Hideki Matsui.”




”HoHoHoHo...you cock sucker Kazzzzzzzz. You have same name but you no have my cocksize. You remind me of small dog … terrier. Randolph own you, and he never let you out to play. Why you stand like that? It funny? You look like god damn pansy flower, that why you can't play field in America. You sold out to American NIKE cleats, you son of bitch, MIZUNO, I no sell out the mother country.”




”Ahhhhhhhhh … Giampervino, you needle fiend. I no respect you. Your face, it look like roast beef, you classic Hollywood slugger, like guy on Yankees from favorite movie Rookie of Year. I lust floater ball mother, I float into her ahhhhhhhhhhh babyyyyyy. We play on same team, but you never going to enter circle of love, spots reserved for Honda Civic, Sophia Coppola, David Bowie … Ohhhhhhhhhh, I Ziggy Stardust, bitch.”




”Ramen, American coeds love its power, fatten mid section, make for easy sex at bar. Gagagagagag. It make me feel like small child again...barefoot running fast through streets...we use cars as bases and stick as bat. Bring tear to eye. Hehehehe...I farted...no matter age, fart joke funny...American rule of thumb.”




“Safe or out I have giant raspberry on ass. I get Kris Benson's whore wife to lick that. I no like Boston, if I had to shit I do it right now on home plate. I bring Dan Shaugennsy over, make him eat it, all with chopstick. Wedgie...must get rookie Cano to pick wedgie...must remember, will be at dug out soon. I wonder if this be poster, hang in room of Julian Lennon, dream come true.




”Walking...wearing fancy Armani suit, black tie, fucking gigolo. I look at you, I don't see you, I search for safe sex message where has it gone...like that Italian guy DiMaggio....ooooooo Ms. Robinson you floozy I wish I was Dustin Hoffman.”



That it jeega man, I still bachelor. (insert perve wink face, Matsui chugging saki and grabbing Lindsay Lohan’s ass) mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm GET SOME!


Questions or comments? E-mail Isaac at icass83@yahoo.com