In 2004, we saw the end of “The Curse” as the Red Sox defeated their bitter rival the Yankees and then swept the Cardinals. As I peer into my crystal ball on this cold and snowy day in February, I attempt to take a peek at what is in store for the 2005 baseball season. There surely will be no let up on the drama, but forget the Sox, it’s the Yankees and Mets who have become the biggest rivals in baseball and you haven’t seen a feud like this one since Zach and AC Slater fought over Kelly.

It all started off with Carlos Beltran and Randy Johnson being introduced to the New York media on the same day. It originally was just another attempt at both of the New York teams to grab headlines throughout the off-season. After years of being second fiddle to the Yankees, Fred Wilpon had finally decided to play hardball and grab the headlines at any cost.

Here is how it all plays out:

January 20th: The Mets announce the signing of an ageless wonder Roberto Hernandez, and on the same day announce that in honor of the signing Opening day will be “Rice and Beans Day” at Shea. (Bring your own rice and beans of course.)

January 21st: Yankee Owner George Steinbrenner holds a press conference claiming that “Rice and Beans day” is just a feeble attempt to draw fans to the swamp hole that is Shea Stadium and that he will not tolerate such a racist event to occur in his town. Nearby, Michael Bloomberg mutters something about it being his town but Rudy Giuliani smacks him in the head.

At the same news conference, Steinbrenner announces that on “Rice and Beans day” he will give away a free DVD of Scarface to every Cuban defector that makes it to Miami on a raft.

January 22nd-March 3rd: The New York Knicks go on a torrid winning streak of 18 consecutive games, putting themselves in first place of the Atlantic Division and stealing the headlines from the baseball teams. However, the win streak ends when Shaquille O’Neal grabs both Jamaal Crawford and Stephon Marbury and breaks the two of them over his knee; effectively ending the Knicks season.

March 4th: The first spring training game between the Yanks and Mets, both Wilpon and Steinbrenner attend the game and stay in their respective suites at Legends Field. In the first inning Pedro Martinez throws a high fastball at the head of Jason Giambi. Giambi goes to charge the mound, but being that Giambi has been off “the cream” for a year he now weighs 145 pounds and Martinez body slams him to ground and screams “Quien es tu padre!?!”

April 1st: Opening day at the stadium, Yanks vs. Boston. Front page news in New York, except Fred Wilpon doesn’t see it that way. The day before Wilpon calls up Mo Vaughn. Here is their conversation:

Wilpon: Mo you owe this organization a favor.

Mo: (chewing on a hamburger)

Wilpon: We need you to take out Randy Johnson

Mo: (swallows a whole hamburger without chewing)

Wilpon: Are you up for it?

Mo: (takes a swig of coke) OK.

Before the game as President Bush is throwing out the first pitch Mo Vaughn stumbles from the visiting bullpen. Vaughn, high on acid and a high dose of hamburger fat, believes the President is Randy Johnson. As he reaches the mound Vaughn pulls out a knife to stab Bush, but is gunned down by Secret Service Agents.

Announcer Joe Buck had this to say: “That’s a despicable act and I am ashamed that we had that live on television.”

Tim McCarver: “He could have at least thrown the knife at Bush, what was he thinking?”

Somewhere Randy Moss is smiling as a disgruntled Fred Wilpon turns off the TV.

April 28th: Randy Johnson gets into another fight with a television reporter, this time its NBC’s Katie Couric who was doing a soft feature piece on how Johnson is a freak of nature. Johnson responds by kicking Couric in the stomach.

Not to be outdone, Carlos Beltran kills four children selling cookies for a field trip in a drive by shooting in Queens. The driver, Jose Reyes, screams “Viva la raza!!” while peeling out of the scene.

May 15th: Steinbrenner finds out that Wilpon has been trying to one up him for months and is not pleased. He holds a press conference where he challenges Wilpon to a death match. Two 70-something year olds going at it till one man dies.

May 16th: Wilpon accepts the challenge, and claims that John “The Cyborg” Olerud to be his manager. The match would be set for May 31st.

To find out how it all plays out check out Part II of Subway Chaos next week only on Zubazpants.com

Question/Comments Email Chris at ChrisCaron82@optonline.net