How you doin’ everybody, eh? First I would like to introduce myself, ya know what I’m saying’ right?

The name is Joey Scaglionni, 100 percent Italian baby. Tomato sauce runs through my veins, ya know what I mean? A lot of the girls I’ve fucked around with have even told me my nipples taste like fucking pepperonis, and my cock is like a big fucking Italian sausage. It don’t get much more Italian than that baby.

You have probably seen me cruisin’ around Strong Isle in my pimped out civic, you know I got that Italian flag little reflector thingy on the back. If you haven’t seen me on the roads you have probably seen me at your local club with my pink Polo on, grinding up on your town’s finest Angelas and Daniellas, with my tape gelled up to perfection.

But anyway, let me get to the point though alright, I got a little story to tell ya know what im sayin. So, the other night I was out on a date with some girl Gabriella that I’ve been pounding recently, you know I’ve been giving her the stromboli real good, real hard. We were eating at my favorite restaurant Francesco’s … they got the finest rigatoni in the world there if ya know what I mean. But that’s besides the point, so I’m sittin’ there minding my business, looking at Gabriella and thinking about how I’ m gonna fuck that broad nine ways to tomorrow, if ya get what I’m sayin’.

So I see this fucking guy at another table lookin’ at me. He must have looked at me for at least like 1.3 seconds. So I get up and see what the fuck the problem is. Gabriella tried holding me back but I didn’t give a flying fuck what that cum dumpster had to say.

So I go up to him and I’m like “What the fuck you lookin’ at, what the fuck? You fucking lookin’ at me, you fuckin’ lookin’ at me? Eh? WHAT THE FUCK.

And this dude is like “What are you talking about, I wasn’t looking at you.”

So I’m like “You fuckin’ you fuckin’ lyin’ to me eh? You fucking lyin’ right to my face? WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK BRO, WHAT THE FUCK? I saw you fuckin’ lookin’ at me, WHAT THE FUCK HUH? You got a fucking problem with me wanna take this one outside buddy huh? What the fuck?”

And this fucking clown is like “ What are you talking about, I’m just sitting here minding my business alright, it’s me and my girl’s two year anniversary can you please leave us alone?”

So I’m like, “Man you got a big fuckin’ set a meatballs buddy, WHAT THE FUCK, you got a problem, you fuckin’ lyin’ right to my face, WHAT THE FUCK, you fuckin’ lyin’ to me … why you gotta be lookin’ at me, because you know I’m betta than you, huh faggot, you got a fuckin, problem with me cuz I’m fuckin’ Italian eh?”

So then this faggot’s broad says to me, “What the fuck is your problem can you please leave us alone!!”

So then I’m like, “You shut your fuckin’ mouth right now hunny, dis is between me and your fucking homo of a boyfriend, no fucking dumb bitches allowed.”

So then the bitch fuckin’ throws her wine glass right in my face. So I fuckin’ backhand that bitch across the face and next thing I know I’m getting gang tackled by the all of the fuckin’ wait staff and held down on the ground, covered in red wine.

So, I’m down on the round being held down screaming, “YO WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK, YOUR FUCKIN’ UP MY HAIR!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN’!! IT TOOK ME THREE HOURS TO GET MY HAIR LIKE THIS. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!”

Then I hear them fuckin’ calling the cops sayin’ they got an out of control customer, and I’m like “WHAT THE FUCK GET OFF OF ME!!!, I DIDN’T DO SHIT.”

So them fucks held me down until the cops came and arrested me for assault and disorderly conduct. I told the fuckin’ pigs that fucker fuckin’ started it, he was the one fuckin’ lookin’ at me, ya know it’s not like I fuckin’ started the shit.

So now I’m in fuckin’ jail now thinkin’ bout’ how I never got to fuck that slam pig Gabriella, and uh yeah, can somebody please come and bail me out please?, WHAT THE FUCK.

Questions or comments? E-mail Joey at zubazfiles@yahoo.com