Hello, losers! I apologize for my long absence, but I was promoted to Chief Technology Officer at the Fortune 500 Company I work for, so I hardly have the time to write for this pile of trash alongside the Information Superhighway that is known as ZubazPants.com.

My last installment was a superior piece of writing, and as usual, the feedback on the hideously colored orange and yellow message boards were angry in tone. To be more precise, they were angry and poorly spelled.

“Go fuck ya self you yuppie homo, you are taking away my fucking face time. I bet you release your shit right after mine just because you know im the shit and ya wanna take away my limelight” – JoeyScaggs69

I believe this is Joey Scaglionni, another contributor to ZubazPants.com. It is strange that Jim Byrne asked Mr. Scaglionni to write for the site, because it is evident that he simply does not know how. I am not saying that Italians do not know how to read or write. No sir. By no means am I saying that. I am saying that people from New Jersey do not know how to read or write. Joey, your beloved home state smells like rotten eggs, which makes me wonder if it is geographic coincidence or an act of a higher power that New Jersey in fact looks like the armpit of the United States of America.

“i bet you were like ‘cutest baby’ of like 1983 or some gay ass shit like that. some stupid ass award that only you would be proud of.” – Zubaz4fans

What is this guy even talking about? Where did that come from? Cutest baby? Did you type that out in the middle of an acid trip or while you were sniffing glue? It boggles the mind. I cannot even begin to respond to what this sub-human wrote. Take a lesson from Zubaz4fans, people – winners do not use drugs.

“i wish he tore on me more. i wasnt satisfied. p.s. im going to either plattsburgh or....dun dun dun...BUFFALO...i actully couldnt believe i got in.” - Compton Ass Terry

This is where the thread went off in an entirely different direction, again reinforcing my claim that each person who writes for this site – scratch that – each person who is a member of this site’s message board was born with an extra chromosome.

“BUFFALO BABY ... greatest school in the world ... fuck plattsburgh ...” - Jimbuktu

“Compton Ass Terry as the new generation of UB=greatness...You have to continue the magic, and live in Wilkeson Fresh year and at 142 highgate as a un upper grad...and 2 words: Jims Steakout” - Buffsoulja

Okay, so now they’re talking SUNY Buffalo versus SUNY Plattsburgh. It is like comparing two pieces of shit and judging which one is slightly less disgusting. I feel incredibly sorry for Mr. Ass Terry because his future is obviously doomed. Well, I guess society needs people to mop the pee stains in the break room at Wal-Mart.

The talk about the two inferior schools goes on for about a page, and then evolves, if you will, into talk about the most pathetic football team in the NFL, the Buffalo Bills. It seems that no one on ZubazPants.com can go 15 seconds without mentioning this terrible franchise that represents a terrible city.

Of course, Ms. Tacnskyofdiamonds chimed in with her barely legible Ithaca College talk, but I frankly do not feel like I need to lower myself to her level. Cornell is simply the best.

I suddenly feel dirty. I think it is because I again participated in adding material to this site. Maybe I should not write any more articles, but I will, because the staff at ZubazPants.com needs someone to look up to and admire.

Want to tell Pompous Douche off? Hate e-mail should be sent to zubazfiles@yahoo.com. Pompous Douche will respond to you in his next installment...if he feels that you are worthy of a response