Hello, losers! I am glad to see that you people wanted me to write a third installment on this piece of shit website. You must be pleased with my writing. My secret? I use a little something called punctuation. That is pronounced punk-tyoo-way-shun. Got that? Anyway, reaction was more than I expected, although I am a little hurt that I was not forwarded any hate e-mails from my adoring public. Jim Byrne told me that I “never got any e-mails, so shut the fuck up and die.” It does not take a Cornell alumnus to figure out that he deleted them out of hatred towards me. Give me a year and this site will be PompousDouche.com.
Someone asked me what I do for a living recently. Well, after graduating Summa Cum Laude from Cornell with extraordinary ease, I was hired as a Mid-Level Analyst with an engineering firm in Washington D.C. During my nights, I fill up my AIM profile with amusing anecdotes. Check out these babies:
“For as long as the world exists, may I too abide to dispel the misery of the world.”
“The first step to a successful revolution is destroying all competing revolutionaries.”
“Half-full? Half-empty? Who cares! Can I get fries with that?”
I AM SO GREAT! My AIM profile is so brilliant! I am so cool for sharing that with everyone. I type it out very well, too. On the contrary, we have the queers who post on the ZubazPants.com message boards. They could not type their way out of a paper bag. Let us look at a sample of what people said about my last submission in the feedback section of the disgusting yellow and orange message boards.
“they both sound ridiculous argueing. good article tho, i enjoy a little hate here and there.” – Compton Ass Terry
If I am not mistaken, this guy – who misspelled “arguing” and “though” – is like, what, 17-years old? I know that I am smarter than anyone in this place, but I am sure that even the Zubaz idiots knew how to spell better than that at 17-years old. Are you going to college, junior? I bet it is not Cornell, but some Biology professors at my Alma Mater are looking for animals to experiment on. It was going to be monkeys, but I think you fit the mold.
Thanks for the compliment, though. There may be hope for you yet.
“Better than the original, should be sent to many IC students, could cause an uproar and other students will want to see what all the comotion is about” - BryanByrne
“Commotion” is spelled wrong.
My previous article was not better than the original. Both were art of the highest caliber. The written word never sounded so sweet. As for the commotion with Ithaca College, no such commotion arose. I am not surprised because IC students are morons who are barely able to wipe their own anus after they shit out the toy car that they swallowed, thinking it was candy.
Not many spelling errors, so it seems that he was a bad choice.
“oh good pompous douchebag, glad to see you are on the forum.
where should i even start on my telling you off...
how about, that maybe yea you went to cornell and got a great education, but you shouldn't go off on IC students because we are getting an awesome education as well, and we are also fortunate enough to be not as cocky as you and asshole-ish, so we learn SOCIAL SKILLS. wow, what a concept. learn it, asshole.
IC students do know how to drink actually.. have you ever heard of the COrtaca game, or been to it.. and see how drunk we get? or prospect st. last day of classes party? sorry we don't weep our lives away at the library each day. or i'm also sorry we don't just go to johnny o's, we expand our horizon of bars...fuckin asshole.
i'm sure ill have more to say to you... this is not the end.” – tacnskyofdiamonds
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…
…I’m sorry, what? I wasn’t paying attention. Can anyone decipher this girl’s language? No? I thought so. Proper punctuation would help.
One thing I do not get about this sub-human: her name. Tacnskyofdiamonds? What kind of a name is that? Is that Russian? Is it supposed to be “Tac Sky of Diamonds”? You know, the song is called “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” not “fdjiwjfiwjdfiwjdfijwifjwifjwirfj.” That is just some helpful advice, Ithaca College dunce.
“P Douche, I cant believe u insulted Buffalo, you are indeed a douchebag” – Buffsoulja
You cannot believe that I insulted Buffalo? Have you not met 95% of America? Because they all feel the same way I do. What else can I say about Buffalo? Oh, I cannot say anything else because there is not enough of a city left to make fun of. Empty, vacant buildings should not have to endure verbal harassment.
“Making fun of my writing, eh? Low blow, Douche, low blow” – Oodus
I believe this guy is the Elephant Man…I mean, Matt Fishman. I found a picture that resembles you. Check it out.
Was that a lower blow? I can go lower, but I do not feel comfortable posting a picture of a rotting corpse next to your picture.
That is enough for this installment. I have to get up early tomorrow to have breakfast with the Chief Executive Officer of my company and I am fairly certain that he is going to promote me. Go fuck yourselves, losers!
